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Funnies Tuesday, September 2, 2014

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EXTRA: This funny is in the 'extra' queue which means it is clean, but not really good enough to be mailed out. Of course, it could be removed or shuffled to another queue at any time. Your votes help us decide if a funny should be mailed out (or not). Please give your opinion by voting.

The LukeWarm Church Songs
Date: No date scheduled
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Rating: 2.07/5 (122 votes)
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See if you can identify the "real" hymn. For example, "Special, Special, Special" is lukewarm for "Holy, Holy, Holy."

The LukeWarm Church announces publication of "Church Songs," whose title, according to the editor, was chosen because "We didn't want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands anymore like 'worship' or 'hymn.' People in today's society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They'd much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our book seeks to meet that need."

Sample contents:

* A Comfy Mattress Is Our God

* Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee

* Above Average is Thy Faithfulness

* Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word

* All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name

* My Hope is Built on Nothing Much

* Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound

* My Faith Looks Around for Thee

* Be Thou My Hobby

* O God, Our Enabler in Ages Past

* Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style

* Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing

* He's Quite a Bit to Me

* Oh, How I Like Jesus

* I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus

* Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me

* I Surrender Some

* Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow

* I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives

* Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come

* Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus

* Special, Special, Special

* Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me

* Stick Nearby, It's Getting Dark Outside

* Take My Life and Let Me Be

* There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today

* There Shall be Sprinkles of Blessings

* What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus

* When Peace, Like a Trickle. . .

* When the Saints Go Sneaking In

* Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following

* God of Taste, and God of Stories

* Lift Every Voice and Intellectualize

Received from Taylor, Doug (Douglas V).


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