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Darwin Award 1 Date: Sent Thursday, December 4, 2014 Category: None

Rating: 2.85/5 (179 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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A little background, for those of you who don't know, is that each year a 'Darwin Award' is given to an individual who has done the gene pool the biggest favor by killing themselves in an extraordinary and stupid way. Last year the award was given to a man crushed to death by a coke machine from which he was attempting to yank a free soda. Now...our story titled:

'MYSTERY OWNER OF A JET-PROPELLED CHEVY IMPALA'

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the crest of a curve. Wreckage resembled that of an airplane crash, but it was a car, make and model unidentifiable at the scene.

A lab figured out the story. It seems that the driver had somehow gotten a hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) unit that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra push when taking off from short airfields and is nothing less than a solid fuel rocket.

He drove his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the jet device. The police calculated that the driver of the car accomplished several things:

*Hit JATO ignition at a distance of about 4 miles from the crash site. Asphalt was scorched and melted there.

*Reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver--soon to be pilot--most likely experienced G-Forces reserved for dog-fighting F-14 pilots under full afterburners. Basically causing him to become insignificant for the rest of the event.

*Remained on the highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20sec.) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing all four tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface.

*Became airborne for an additional 1.4 miles, impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 ft. and leaving a black crater 3 ft. deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel. The cops even extended their search looking for a personalized plate with "Wile E. Coyote" on it. I'll bet the words "Bad Idea" were among the first--and last-- to pass through this guys mind right after firing the JATO unit.