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<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="TEXT-TRANSFORM: uppercase"><SPAN
class=740370714-16042004><FONT face=Arial color=#0000ff size=2>[Samantha
Hazlewood] Some may have been heard
before....</FONT></SPAN></SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="TEXT-TRANSFORM: uppercase"><SPAN
class=740370714-16042004> </SPAN><BR><SPAN class=740370714-16042004><FONT
face=Arial color=#0000ff size=2> </FONT></SPAN><STRONG>Bible
Belters</STRONG></SPAN> </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>******************************************** </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns =
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>======== </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's
morning." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>========
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman">A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large
city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then
he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10
times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>trespasses." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with
this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket,
I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>======== </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough
money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there
in your pockets." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>======== </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish
carriage.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The owner of the carriage
obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was
a hand printed sign... </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Caution: Do not step in exhaust." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>======== </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and
girls, what do we know about God? </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"Really? How do you! know?" the teacher asked. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... " </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><B>Page
2<o:p></o:p></B></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman">A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas
just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were
many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant
motioned him toward a vacant pump.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if
everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>======== </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center
of attention. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>======== </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know
what the Bible means!" </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the
Bible means?" </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>The son replied, "I do know!" </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?" </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving
Earth.'" </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>======== </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson
was about. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him
what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>======== </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, ask
the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs
to the church building. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and
a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to
know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But
you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about
the finances." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters,
we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected,
and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand
up." </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled
Banner."<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>And that is
how the substitute became the regular organist! </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><B>Page
3<o:p></o:p></B></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><B><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></B></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>HYMNS FOR ALL THINGS </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Dentist's Hymn:................Crown Him with Many Crowns
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Weatherman's Hymn.......There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Contractor's Hymn:...........The Church's One Foundation
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Tailor's Hymn:...................Holy, Holy, Holy </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Golfer's Hymn:..................There's a Green Hill Far Away
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Politician's Hymn:..............Standing on the Promises
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Optometrist's Hymn:.........Open My Eyes That I Might See
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The IRS Agent's Hymn:.............I Surrender All </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Gossip's Hymn:..................Pass It On </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Electrician's Hymn:............Send The Light </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Shopper's Hymn:................Sweet By and By </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Realtor's Hymn:...................I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the
Hilltop </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The Massage Therapists Hymn.......He Touched Me </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The
Doctor's Hymn:......................The Great Physician </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>AND
for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns: </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>-----45mph....................God Will Take Care of You
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>-----55mph....................Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>-----65mph....................Nearer My God To Thee </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>-----75mph....................Nearer Still Nearer </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>-----85mph....................This World Is Not My Home
</FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 150%"><FONT
size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>-----95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>-----Over 100mph.........Precious Memories </FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"></SPAN> </P></DIV>
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