<DIV class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> Ok. Here ya go Siarlys. Analyze this.</o:p></SPAN></FONT></DIV> <DIV class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><o:p>Frank</o:p></SPAN></FONT></DIV> <DIV> <DIV class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><BR> I am told that a 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank and the bank manager thought it<BR>amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.<BR><BR>Dear Sir:<BR><BR>I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to<BR>pay my plumber last month.<BR><BR>By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his<BR>presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to<BR>honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my
entire<BR>salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight<BR>years.<BR><BR>You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and<BR>also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience<BR>caused to your bank.<BR><BR>My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this<BR>incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.<BR>I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and<BR>letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,<BR>overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.<BR><BR> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood<BR>person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer<BR>be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally<BR>and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.<BR><BR>Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for
any other person to<BR>open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status<BR>which I require your chosen employee to complete.<BR><BR>I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know<BR>as much about him or her as your bank knows about! me, there<BR>is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history<BR>must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of<BR>his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be<BR>accompanied by documented proof.<BR><BR>In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she<BR>must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28<BR>digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses<BR>required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As<BR>they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.<BR><BR>Let me level the playing field even further. When you call<BR>me, press
buttons as follows:<BR>1-- To make an appointment to see me.<BR>2-- To query a missing payment.<BR>3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.<BR>4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.<BR>5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending<BR>to nature.<BR>6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.<BR>7-- To leave a message on my computer. (a password to access<BR>my computer is required. A password will be communicated to<BR>you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)<BR>8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.<BR>9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on<BR>hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.<BR><BR>While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,<BR>uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but<BR>again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover<BR>the
setting up ! of this new arrangement.<BR><BR>May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.<BR><BR>Your Humble Client<BR><BR>(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)</SPAN></FONT></DIV></DIV><p>
<hr size=1>Yahoo! Mail<br>
Bring photos to life! <a href="http://pa.yahoo.com/*http://us.rd.yahoo.com/evt=39174/*http://photomail.mail.yahoo.com">New PhotoMail </a> makes sharing a breeze.