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<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS">Olympic Ice Skating<BR><BR>It is the Olympic
men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some
classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but
without any great artistic feel for the music.<BR>The Judges' scores read:
Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9: United States 5.5: Ireland 6.0<BR><BR>Next comes the
American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some
rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good
as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow and loses the center
during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance.<BR>The
Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.5: United States 5.9: Ireland
6.0<BR><BR>Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey
jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice, trips
straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up,
staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up
then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding
mess.<BR>The Judges' scores read: Britain 0.0: Russia 0.0: United States 0.0:
Ireland 6.0<BR><BR>The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in
unison, "How can you give that mess a 6.0?!"<BR><BR>To which the Irish
judge replies "You've gotta remember, it's slippery out
there."</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>