<DIV><FONT face=Arial> <div align=left><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U>This might be too long John. I just thought it was funny/insightful. </U></FONT></div> <div align=left><U><FONT face="Comic Sans MS">Frank</FONT></U></div> <div align=left> </div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=a></A>Rule of Accuracy</U>: <BR>When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy: <BR></U>A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Action's Law: <BR></U>Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>First Law of Advice: <BR></U>The correct
advice to give is the advice that is desired. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Albrecht's Law: <BR></U>Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Allen's (or Cahn's) Axiom <BR></U>When all else fails, read the instructions. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Anthony's Law of Force: <BR></U>Don't force it; get a larger hammer. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Anthony's Law of the Workshop: <BR></U>Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Fourth Law of Applied Terror: <BR></U>The night
before the English history mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.<BR><U>Corollary:</U> Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Fifth Law of Applied Terror: <BR></U>If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.<BR><U>Corollary:</U> If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>The Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences: <BR></U>Whoever has the gold makes the rules. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Arthur's Laws of Love: <BR></U>1. People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else. <BR>2. The love letter you finally got the courage to send will
be delayed in the post long enough for you to make a fool of yourself in person. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Atwood's Corollary: <BR></U>No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Avery's Rule of Three: <BR></U>Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job - it's the start of a brand new series of three. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=b></A>Bagdikian's Observation: <BR></U>Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a ukulele. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Baker's First Law of Federal
Geometry: <BR></U>A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Barach's Rule: <BR></U>An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own GP. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Baruch's Observation: <BR></U>If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Beifeld's Principle: <BR></U>The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: <BR>1 - a date, <BR>2 - his wife, <BR>3 - a better looking and richer male friend. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>First Law of Bicycling: <BR></U>No
matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Boling's Postulate: <BR></U>If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: <BR></U>Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Boob's Law: <BR></U>You always find something in the last place you look. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Boren's Laws: <BR></U>1. When in charge, ponder. <BR>2. When in trouble, delegate. <BR>3. When in doubt, mumble. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Bove's Theorem: <BR></U>The remaining
work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Bowie's Theorem:<BR></U>If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Brady's First Law of Problem Solving: <BR></U>When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?" </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Brewer's Observation: <BR></U>No good deed goes unpunished. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Bucy's Law: <BR></U>Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A
target=_blank name=c></A>Calkin's Law of Menu Language: <BR></U>The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Canada Bill Jones's Motto: <BR></U>It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Canada Bill Jones's Supplement: <BR></U>A Smith and Wesson beats four aces. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Captain Penny's Law: <BR></U>You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool Mum. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Carlson's Consolation: <BR></U>Nothing is ever a complete failure.
It can always serve as a bad example. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Cheop's Law: <BR></U>Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Chism's Law of Completion: <BR></U>The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Churchill's Commentary on Man: <BR></U>Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Clarke's Third Law<BR></U>Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans
MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Cohn's Law<BR></U>The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Colvard's Logical Premises: <BR></U>All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary: <BR></U>This is especially true when dealing with someone you're attracted to. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>The Law of Communication: <BR></U>1. The purpose of the communication is to advance the communicator. <BR>2. The information conveyed is less important than the impression.
</FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Law of Continuity<BR></U>Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Conway's Law: <BR></U>In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on. This person must be fired. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Cooke's Law: <BR></U>In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision. <BR></FONT><FONT color=#003399><U>Corollaries: <BR></U>1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. <BR>2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank
name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Correspondence Corollary: <BR></U>An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Cropp's Law: <BR></U>The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Cutler Webster's Law:<BR></U>There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=d></A>Deadline-Dan's Demo Demonstration: <BR></U>The higher the "higher-ups'' are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT
color=#003399><U>The Law of Decision Making: <BR></U>1. Any decision is better than no decision. <BR>2. A decision is judged by the conviction with which it is uttered. <BR>3. Decisions are <B><I>justified</I></B> by the benefits to the organization, but they are <B><I>made</I></B> by considering the benefits to the decision-makers. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Denniston's Law<BR></U>Virtue is its own punishment. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>DeVries's Dilemma: <BR></U>If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Dow's Law: <BR></U>In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank
name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Drew's Law of Highway Entomology: <BR></U>The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Ducharm's Axiom: <BR></U>If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Ducharme's Precept: <BR></U>Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=e></A>Emerson's Law of Contrariness: <BR></U>Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=f></A>Farnsdick's Corollary: <BR></U>After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat
itself. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Featherkile's Rule: <BR></U>Whatever you did, that's what you planned. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Fett's Law: <BR></U>Never replicate a successful experiment. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Finster's Law: <BR></U>A closed mouth gathers no feet. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Flap's Law: <BR></U>Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Flugg's Law: <BR></U>When you need
to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, Naugahyde, and aluminium. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Franklin's Rule: <BR></U>Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Fresco's Discovery: <BR></U>If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Fudd's First Law of Opposition: <BR></U>Push something hard enough and it will fall over. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=g></A>Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: <BR></U>1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. <BR>2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. <BR>3. The energy required
to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Ginsberg's Theorem: <BR></U>1. You can't win. <BR>2. You can't break even. <BR>3. You can't even quit the game. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem: <BR></U>Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit: <BR>1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. <BR>2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. <BR>3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Glyme's Formula for Success: <BR></U>The
secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Gold's Law: <BR></U>If the shoe fits, it's ugly. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Goldenstern's Rules: <BR></U>1. Always hire a rich solicitor. <BR>2. Never buy from a rich salesman. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Gordian Maxim: <BR></U>If a string has one end, it has another. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Gordon's First Law: <BR></U>If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Government's Law: <BR></U>There is an exception to all laws.
</FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Grabel's Law: <BR></U>2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Grandpa Charnock's Law: <BR></U>You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Green's Law Of Debate: <BR></U>Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Greener's Law: <BR></U>Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Grelb's Reminder: <BR></U>Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
</FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Gummidges's Law: <BR></U>The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Gumperson's Law: <BR></U>The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=h></A>Hall's Laws of Politics: <BR></U>1. The voters want fewer taxes and more spending. <BR>2. Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed. <BR>3. Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend military spending, and conservatives social spending in their own districts). </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Hanlon's Razor: <BR></U>Never attribute to malice
that which is adequately explained by stupidity. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Hanson's Treatment of Time: <BR></U>There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Harper's Magazine Law: <BR></U>You never find the issue until you replace it. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: <BR></U>Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Harrison's Postulate: <BR></U>For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Hartley's
Law: <BR></U>You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Lewis's Corollary to Harley's First Law: <BR></U>You can lead a horse to water, you can open his mouth, and you can stick his drinking apparatus into the trough, but you can't make him swallow. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Hartley's Second Law: <BR></U>Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Heller's Law: <BR></U>The first myth of management is that it exists. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>First Rule of History: <BR></U>History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
</FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Hlade's Law: <BR></U>If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Hofstadter's Law: <BR></U>It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Horner's Five Thumb Postulate: <BR></U>Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Horngren's Observation: <BR></U>Among economists, the real world is often a special case. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Howe's Law: <BR></U>Everyone has a scheme that
will not work. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Hubbard's Law: <BR></U>Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Hurewitz's Memory Principle: <BR></U>The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to<BR>..... to .....<BR>........ uh .............. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=i></A>The Law of Innovation Management: <BR></U>1. Change is the status quo. <BR>2. Management by objectives is no better than the objectives. <BR>3. A manager cannot tell if he is leading an innovative mob or being chased by it. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=j></A>Jacquin's Postulate: <BR></U>No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. </FONT></div> <div><FONT
face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Jenkinson's Law: <BR></U>It won't work. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Johnson-Laird's Law: <BR></U>Toothaches tend to start on Saturday night. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Johnson's Third Law: <BR></U>If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that contains the article, story or instalment you were most anxious to read. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Corollary to Johnson's Third Law: <BR></U>All of your friends either missed it, lost it, or threw it out. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Johnson's Corollary: <BR></U>Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.
</FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=k></A>Kramer's Law: <BR></U>You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=l></A>Larkinson's Law: <BR></U>All laws are basically false. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Robert E. Lee's Truce: <BR></U>Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgment. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Lieberman's Law: <BR></U>Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Lynch's Law: <BR></U>When the going gets tough, everyone leaves. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=m></A>Mason's First Law of
Synergism: <BR></U>The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>May's Law: <BR></U>The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.) </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Meade's Maxim: <BR></U>Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Mencken's Law: <BR></U>There is always an easy answer to every human problem --- neat, plausible, and wrong. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>H. L. Mencken's Law: <BR></U>Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- teach. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans
MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Martin's Extension: <BR></U>Those who cannot teach -- administrate. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Clark's Opposition: <BR></U>Those who can -- teach. Those who can't -- find some other less important career. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Meskimen's Law: <BR></U>There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Muir's Law: <BR></U>When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=n></A>Nixon's Theorem: <BR></U>The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on. </FONT></div> <div><FONT
face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Nolan's Placebo: <BR></U>An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=o></A>O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen: <BR></U>Cleanliness is next to impossible. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Oliver's Law of Location: <BR></U>No matter where you are, there you are. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=p></A>Parkinson's Law: <BR></U>Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Peer's Law: <BR></U>The solution to a problem changes the problem. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Law of the Perversity of Nature: <BR></U>You cannot successfully
determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name="peter principle"></A>Peter's Principle: <BR></U>In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>First Law of Procrastination: <BR></U>Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed the deadline). </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Fifth Law of Procrastination: <BR></U>Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Ninety-ninety Rule of Project Schedules: <BR></U>The first ninety percent of the task takes
ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Pudder's Laws: <BR></U>1. Anything that begins well ends badly. <BR>2. Anything that begins badly ends worse. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Putt's Law: <BR></U>Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=r></A>Ralph's Observation: <BR></U>It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realize that you are in a hurry. <BR><U>Corollary:</U> On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Fourth Law of Revision: <BR></U>It is
usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences - if you have none, someone will make one for you. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Ross's Law: <BR></U>Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor-especially in the dark. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Rudin's Law: <BR></U>In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Ryan's Law: <BR></U>Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=s></A>Sattinger's Law: <BR></U>It works better if you plug it in. </FONT></div> <div><FONT
face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Sausage Principle: <BR></U>People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Shaw's Principle: <BR></U>Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Simmons's Law : <BR></U>The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Snafu Equations: <BR></U>1. Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns. <BR>2. An object or bit of information most needed will be least available. <BR>3. Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. <BR>4.
Interchangeable devices won't. <BR>5. In any human endeavour, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. <BR>6. Badness comes in waves. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>First Law of Socio-Genetics: <BR></U>Celibacy is not hereditary. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>The Law of the Too Solid Goof: <BR></U>In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct beyond all need of checking contain the errors. <BR><U>Corollary 1:</U> No one you ask for help will see the error either. <BR><U>Corollary 2:</U> Any nagging intruder, who stops by with unsought advice, will spot it immediately. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Third Law of Survival: <BR></U>To protect your
position, fire the fastest rising employees first. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Stewart's Law of Retroaction: <BR></U>It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Stockmayer's Theorem: <BR></U>If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's near impossible. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=t></A>Thyme's Law: <BR></U>Everything goes wrong at once. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=u></A>Unnamed Law: <BR></U>If it happens, it must be possible. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><U><A target=_blank name=w></A>Weiler's Law: <BR></U>Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work. </FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT
color=#003399><U>Weinberg's Law: <BR></U>If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Weinberg's Corollary: <BR></U>An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Westheimer's Rule: <BR></U>To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Example: we allocate two days for a one-hour task. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Whitehead's Law: <BR></U>The obvious answer is always overlooked. </FONT></A></FONT></div> <div><FONT face="Comic Sans MS"><A
target=_blank name=2><FONT color=#003399><U>Wilcox's Law: <BR></U>A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the arse.</FONT></A></FONT></div></FONT></DIV></XBODY><!-- toctype = X-unknown --><!-- toctype = text --><!-- text --><!-- END TOC --><p> 
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