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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT size=4>forwarded by Siarlys</FONT>
<P class=MsoNormal><U><FONT size=6><SPAN>Judas</SPAN></FONT><FONT size=4><SPAN>
</SPAN></FONT><FONT size=6><SPAN>Asparagus</SPAN></FONT></U><FONT color=#000000
face=Arial size=2><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"> </SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face=Arial size=2><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"></SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><B><I><FONT color=#000080 face=Arial size=3><SPAN
style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold">If
you need a laugh today, this should do it!</SPAN></FONT></I><FONT
color=#000000><SPAN style="COLOR: black"> </SPAN></FONT></B></P></DIV>
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style="COLOR: black"></SPAN></FONT></B>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>A child
was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and
brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for
granted that children <I><SPAN
style="FONT-STYLE: italic">understand </SPAN></I>what we are
teaching???</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><B><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC"
size=6><SPAN>Through the eyes of a child:</SPAN></FONT></B>
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<P class=MsoNormal><B><I><U><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC"
size=6><SPAN>The Children's Bible in a Nutshell:</SPAN></FONT></U></I></B>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>In the
beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness,
and some gas. The Bible says,</SPAN></FONT> <FONT color=#000000
face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be
a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone
did. Then God made the world.</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>He split
the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't
embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve
disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of
Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have
cars.</SPAN></FONT><FONT color=#000000><SPAN style="COLOR: black">
</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>Adam and
Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>Pretty
soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be
like a million or something.</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>One of
the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was
kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals
on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to
take a rain check.</SPAN></FONT><FONT color=#000000><SPAN style="COLOR: black">
</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>After
Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot
roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports
coat.</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>Another
important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses
led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after
God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs,
mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. </SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>God fed
the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten
Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
neighbor's stuff.</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>Oh, yeah,
I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>One of
Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies.
Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the
town.</SPAN></FONT><FONT color=#000000><SPAN style="COLOR: black">
</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>After
Joshua, came David He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500
porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise
to me.</SPAN></FONT><FONT color=#000000><SPAN style="COLOR: black">
</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>After
Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry
about them.</SPAN></FONT><FONT color=#000000><SPAN style="COLOR: black">
</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>After the
Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The
New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a
barn.</SPAN></FONT><FONT color=#000000><SPAN style="COLOR: black">
</SPAN></FONT><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>(I wish I had
been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door!
Were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I
was.")</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>During
His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the
<U>Democrats.</U></SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>Jesus
also had twelve opossums. The worst one was <B><U><SPAN
style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Judas Asparagus</SPAN></U></B>. Judas was so
evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.</SPAN></FONT> <FONT
color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>Jesus was a great man. He
healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the
Mount.</SPAN></FONT> <FONT color=#000000><SPAN
style="COLOR: black"> </SPAN></FONT><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC"
size=5><SPAN>But the <B><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Democrats<FONT
color=#008000>*</FONT></SPAN></B><FONT color=#008000> </FONT>and all those guys
put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for
Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.</SPAN></FONT>
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<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>Anyways,
Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but
will be back at the end of the <B><SPAN
style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Aluminum.</SPAN></B> His return is foretold in
the book of Revolution.</SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000000 face="Kristen ITC"
size=5><SPAN></SPAN></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Kristen ITC" size=5><SPAN>*When I was a child, we
learned that the Pharisees criticized Jesus for associating with sinners and
Republicans.</SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>
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