<div>WOW... crazy... Part of me wonders if this was written by an adult... some of the humor seems a little above a child...</div>
<div>~Lance<br></div>
<div class="gmail_quote">On Tue, Feb 3, 2009 at 6:19 PM, Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:gcfl-discuss@gcfl.net">gcfl-discuss@gcfl.net</a>></span> wrote:<br>
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<p><font size="4">forwarded by Siarlys</font>
<p><u><font size="6"><span>Judas</span></font><font size="4"><span> </span></font><font size="6"><span>Asparagus</span></font></u><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"> </span></font>
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<p><b><i><font face="Arial" color="#000080" size="3"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy; FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">If you need a laugh today, this should do it!</span></font></i><font color="#000000"><span style="COLOR: black"> </span></font></b></p>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children <i><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">understand </span></i>what we are teaching???</span></font>
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<p><b><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="6"><span>Through the eyes of a child:</span></font></b>
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<p><b><i><u><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="6"><span>The Children's Bible in a Nutshell:</span></font></u></i></b>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,</span></font> <font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.</span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.</span></font><font color="#000000"><span style="COLOR: black"> </span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.</span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.</span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.</span></font><font color="#000000"><span style="COLOR: black"> </span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.</span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. </span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.</span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.</span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.</span></font><font color="#000000"><span style="COLOR: black"> </span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>After Joshua, came David He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.</span></font><font color="#000000"><span style="COLOR: black"> </span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.</span></font><font color="#000000"><span style="COLOR: black"> </span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.</span></font><font color="#000000"><span style="COLOR: black"> </span></font><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I was.")</span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the <u>Democrats.</u></span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was <b><u><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Judas Asparagus</span></u></b>. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.</span></font> <font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.</span></font> <font color="#000000"><span style="COLOR: black"> </span></font><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>But the <b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Democrats<font color="#008000">*</font></span></b><font color="#008000"> </font>and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.</span></font>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" color="#000000" size="5"><span>Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the <b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Aluminum.</span></b> His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.</span></font></p>
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<p><font face="Kristen ITC" size="5"><span>*When I was a child, we learned that the Pharisees criticized Jesus for associating with sinners and Republicans.</span></font></p>
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