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<DIV>This is dated, but The Door is comatose, and I have to offer it
somewhere:</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
<P class=MsoNormal>God Sues Freedom From Religion Foundation</P>
<P class=MsoNormal>reporting by Siarlys Jenkins</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns =
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal>I AM, also known as The Name Of The Lord, filed suit in
federal court for the western district of Wisconsin against the Freedom >From
Religion Foundation, pleading that a recent FFRF lawsuit "conveys to religious
Americans a preference that their freedom to worship should be exercised in the
negative," interferes with constitutionally protected communication between
religious believers and their deity, and "creates a hostile environment for the
deity, who is made to feel as a political outsider in his own Creation." A
separate brief alleges that FFRF's continuous pattern of lawsuits "adversely
affect the ability of the Holy Spirit to carry out its inspirational
mission."</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Harvard Law School professor Alan Derschowitz, who moonlights
as Defense Attorney to the Rich and Guilty, clarified in an interview for the
Public Broadcasting System that The Lord has not actually filed a lawsuit, but a
Motion to Intervene as an interested party in FFRF's lawsuit against President
George W. Bush and Wisconsin governor James Doyle, Jr., with a Cross-Complaint
against FFRF and its founder, Annie Laurie Gaylor. FFRF had sued to enjoin the
practice of calling for national days of prayer, which dates back at least to
President Zachary Taylor's proclamation during the cholera outbreak of the
1840s. (Protestant and Roman Catholic churches, and Jewish synagogues, sponsored
prayer services, while the other half of the population took a holiday to get
drunk, patronize theaters, or go to horse races).</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal>The Name is being represented by the law firm of Alexander
St. John Christian Chambliss, an avowed atheist, because Christian legal action
groups such as the Rutherford Institute, Pacific Legal Foundation, Liberty
Counsel, American Center for Law and Justice, as well as law firms such as
Rothgerber, Johnson and Lyons, stoutly refused to submit the Creator of the
Universe to the jurisdiction of a human tribunal. Chambliss, who prefers to be
known by his first name ("You can call me Al, or you can call me John, or you
can call me Chris...") responded to these concerns in a written statement
presented in the first, second and third person on behalf of his client:</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>"Come on people, if I could submit myself to death by
crucifixion at the hands of legions of the Roman Empire, to atone for the sins
of the world, surely I can handle an appearance in federal district court to
clear my good Name. Oh ye of little faith; have you forgotten that, whatever the
court decides, its still my call what happens on the third day after judgment is
executed?"</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Gaylor, caught off guard by the unexpected filing, responded
with a demurrer that "the Movant cannot be heard by this court because there is
no credible evidence that Movant is a natural person, nor reliable authority as
to how many Persons, nor is Movant's alleged existence acknowledged by any
constitutional reference establishing the court's general jurisdiction." The
court, however, ruled that "if this Movant can be named as a defendant by state
senator Ernie Chambers in Douglas County District Court in Nebraska, he can darn
well submit a cross-complaint in a federal district court in Wisconsin. While
reference to Movant was deliberately omitted from the federal constitution, that
appears from contemporary records to have been an act of humility rather than an
affirmative denial of Movant's existence, which was widely (if diversely)
assumed by most delegates to the Constitutional Convention."</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Chambliss informed curious reporters that his client has no
grudge against Gaylor, handing out copies of a press release which read in part
"Annie Laurie is My Creation, so I have to accept some responsibility for any
flaws in her character. If I listened to some of the loud-mouthed jerks who
presume to speak in My Name, I wouldn't believe in Me either. She will not be
saved of her own merit, but hey, Simon the Terrorist did not become Petros by
his own merit either. Simon always put himself first, was the last to catch on
to what his Savior was teaching, and as is well known, he also denied his Lord.
I can say without hesitation that for bonnie Annie Laurie, as for any of the
rest of you exasperating creatures, I would lay me doon and dee.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal>"In fact, I delight in a vision that Ms. Gaylor will spend
eternity exchanging war stories with Lazarus, while Joyce Meyers and Gloria
Copeland beg her to cast a few drops of water on their parched tongues. The
embarrassment of being in that position will be punishment enough for Annie's
sins. And when I have a vision -- just ask John Calvin if there is any chance it
won't happen. I have plenty of Grace to spare for this beloved daughter of mine.
As Shlomo said on one of that arrogant tax-and-spend king's better days, 'She
whom the Lord loveth, he sueth ardently'."</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Correspondents for The Final Call, Touchstone, and The
Crisis, inquired what Al thought were his own chances of salvation. "My client
has promised me deferred payment of an unspecified treasure, without any
contingency on whether I win this case or what my merits as an attorney may be"
St. John responded. "It's not exactly a pro bono case, but somehow I just
couldn't refuse to take it on. Who knows, Voltaire may be right after
all."</P></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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