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<DIV>Boy, is this one off base. Mostly. Read on.</DIV>
<DIV>Siarlys</DIV>
<DIV><BR>--------- Forwarded message ----------<BR>From: "The Good, Clean
Funnies List" <<A
href="mailto:gcfl-info@gcfl.net">gcfl-info@gcfl.net</A>><BR></DIV>
<DIV>Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite of Rednecks)</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you<BR>call them
"you guys," even if both of them are women.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>This one is true, except among African Americans, who
dominate many northern central cities. The reason immigrants who were considered
"non-white" on arrival think that people with dark skin are wierd is because
they have so many southern habits. Therefore, "y'all" is becoming increasingly
common among bluenecks.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>OUTSIDE??? It's COLD up here. You think we're going to
go all winter without any barbecue??? Besides, if we don't understand about
barbecue, we ask somebody black, and they know the correct down home
answer.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY SPICY.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Well, I do. My friend Renee keeps a special mild sauce
for me when she makes tacos, and I think its screaming five alarm hot. She
doesn't eat ox tail soup though, because she's northern (Illinois and Missouri),
unlike all the other people up here with dark complexions.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking<BR>on the side
of the road.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>OK, now we talk about New York, where my sister's
family lives. Everybody buys lunch from some guy cooking in a little cart by the
side of the road, unless they can afford those fancy expensive restaurants. Even
Burger King costs too much in New York, because the rents are so high to even
open the place.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire<BR>sauce"
correctly.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Around here it's WOR-CHEST-UR-SHUR sauce. How do y'all
pronounce it? Actually, I don't know too many people who use it. We prefer Sweet
Baby Ray's barbecue sauce. Year round.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You don't know what a moon pie is.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>If I did, I don't think I would eat one. Sounds like
something on the front cover of Hustler magazine.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You've never had an RC Cola.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Yeah, we have RC up here. I don't like it. I prefer
Coca-Cola. Isn't that from Atlanta or something? We have Dr. Pepper too, thanks
to the wonders of inter-state freight. I don't like Dr. Pepper either. My mother
graduated from high school in Tennessee and went to a northern college on a Dr.
Pepper scholarship.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or<BR>pickled.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>I have had the misfortune to eat okra. My mother made
me eat it when I was a kid. I call it "glue-fruit." I will never eat it again,
just like George H.W. Bush said he wasn't going to eat broccoli since he was
president of the United States and nobody could make him. But you can get okra,
fresh, canned, and frozen, at this local supermarket chain, mostly in black
neighborhoods, where they sell "hard to find southern foods."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Never.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've<BR>seen are on
road trips.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>We also have children's petting zoos. I spent October
working on a pumpkin farm doing tours. They had live chickens, and live guinea
hens. One of the parent-chaperones with a busload of school kids said his
grandmother in Mississippi used guinea hens for watchdogs -- they set up a
racket if anyone comes around at night. Elementary school classes get taken on
tours of dairy farms, where the often sight a cow or two.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You have no idea what a polecat is.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Sure I do, its anyone from the south who gets elected
to congress.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on<BR>your dog.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>I see plenty wrong with having a dog at all, in the
house, or in the yard. Any dog steps on my property, I'm going to exercise my
Second Amendment rights.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You don't have bangs.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>No, I don't, but I'm a man, and due to my mixed
Jewish-Protestant and God knows what else heritage, my hair doesn't hang down
anyway. When I was about ten, a lot of German American male school mates had
bangs. The Beatles were new back then.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow<BR>up to get his
own TV fishing show.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>I would rather have my own son work for a
living.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato<BR>sandwich.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>True for me. I don't eat fresh tomatoes. They have to
be cooked into ketchup or tomato paste before I eat them. Or the green ones have
to be pickled. One of my favorite sandwiches in BLK.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You think more money should go to important scientific<BR>research at
your university than to pay the salary of the<BR>head football coach.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Well, my father taught chemistry, so I think the money
should pay the salary of the classroom professors. But my second cousin's
husband is basketball coach at Ole Miss. When he told another coach, soon after
he arrived, that he is Catholic, they guy looked at him like he should have
found a job up north somewhere. His wife was born and raised Protestant in
Tennessee, but she's a better Catholic than he is now.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the<BR>house.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Got to have WD-40 around the house. Always. This is
Milwaukee, not New York. People around here think a good bar in West Virginia is
just like home.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise
feed<BR>stores.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>I don't wear hats.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e.,<BR>Joe Bob,
Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe<BR>Dan, Mary Alice)</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Did I mention that a lot of African Americans live up
north, and most of them came from the south, except my friend Renee's family?
They almost ALL have two first names, sometimes their last name is a third first
name. Even a few Bubba's, as in "I got someone here for Bubba to whup." Johnnie
Mae is real popular.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie,<BR>Bobbie,
Johnnie, Jimmie)</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Did I mention that... oh, yeah, I just said
that.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>- None of your fur coats are homemade.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Fur coats are for rich people, frat brothers, and dope
kingpins.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Received from Laugh & Lift.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
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