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<DIV>--------- Forwarded message ----------<BR>From: "The Good, Clean Funnies
List" <<A
href="mailto:gcfl-info@gcfl.net">gcfl-info@gcfl.net</A>><BR></DIV>
<DIV>Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite of Rednecks)</DIV>
<DIV>YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...</DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV>- Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you<SPAN
class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>call them "you guys," even if both of them are
women.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>This one is true, except among African Americans, who
dominate many northern central cities. The reason immigrants who were considered
"non-white" on arrival think that people with dark skin are wierd is because
they have so many southern habits. Therefore, "y'all" is becoming increasingly
common among bluenecks.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
grew up with southern parents in southern California and Arizona.
Those areas don't use different pronunciations or words for
things. I never heard the word pocketbook until I was nearly twenty and
engaged to a guy from Pennsylvania and that's what he called his mom's
purse. WEIRD! And gumband? What the heck was he talking
about?!? The only Pennsylvanianism that he has held onto all these
years later is his use of the word up. He says slow up instead of slow
down to mean reduce the speed. And when he says OUR it sounds like
"are". It was very confusing for our children when they were learning to
talk/understand language.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You think barbecue is a verb
meaning "to cook outside."</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>OUTSIDE??? It's COLD up here. You think we're going to
go all winter without any barbecue??? Besides, if we don't understand about
barbecue, we ask somebody black, and they know the correct down home
answer.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>My
family didn't own a grill, but when we talked about someone cooking on one,
we referred to it as barbequing. I don't know how to barbeque (make
food using smoky sauces), but we use the grill all the time. We call it
grilling. But my parents still call it barbequing.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV>- You think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY SPICY.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Well, I do. My friend Renee keeps a special mild sauce
for me when she makes tacos, and I think its screaming five alarm hot. She
doesn't eat ox tail soup though, because she's northern (Illinois and Missouri),
unlike all the other people up here with dark complexions.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
am a gringo living in a largely South
American/Mexican/Mexican-American community and dislike all foods
containing capsaicin. I don't like for my mouth/lips/tongue/esophagus to
burn. But the good nasal burn from horseradish is
fabulous! Some salsas (sauces in English) smell good, but I know not
to even try if they have any chili peppers in them. NO MATTER what the
cook claims. Ketchup? That stuff is sweet, not hot. Spanish
has a benefit when it comes to the word 'hot'. We use the word
spicy and hot interchangeably when we mean full of spices OR spicy
hot. They use picante for spicy heat, caliente for temperature hot,
and something like sabor for full of flavor. I wish English had something
so useful.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You would never stop to buy
something somebody was cooking<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>on the side of the
road.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>OK, now we talk about New York, where my sister's
family lives. Everybody buys lunch from some guy cooking in a little cart by the
side of the road, unless they can afford those fancy expensive restaurants. Even
Burger King costs too much in New York, because the rents are so high to even
open the place.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080><SPAN
class=187254700-10112009>There are jillions of taco stands in the naked city
(Tucson area) but I don't trust the preparer's hygiene or their food
handling abilities. Don't get me going on this one... I tried lots
of food from many different carts when I visited Manhattan.</SPAN></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You don't have any problems
pronouncing "Worcestershire<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>sauce" correctly.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Around here it's WOR-CHEST-UR-SHUR sauce. How do y'all
pronounce it? Actually, I don't know too many people who use it. We prefer Sweet
Baby Ray's barbecue sauce. Year round.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>For us, it's always been Wor CHEST Er Shire. Just like it is
spelled. Did I ever mention I was a spelling bee
champ?</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You don't know what a moon
pie is.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>If I did, I don't think I would eat one. Sounds like
something on the front cover of Hustler magazine.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>Moon pies are yummy. A sandwich made of marshmallow and
soft graham crackers covered in waxy chocolate. Mmmm-mmmm
good.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You've never had an RC
Cola.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Yeah, we have RC up here. I don't like it. I prefer
Coca-Cola. Isn't that from Atlanta or something? We have Dr. Pepper too, thanks
to the wonders of inter-state freight. I don't like Dr. Pepper either. My mother
graduated from high school in Tennessee and went to a northern college on a Dr.
Pepper scholarship.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>It
seems to me that Royal Crown was the first to make diet cola. It was
called Diet Riet, but my mom (who drank it) pronounced it Diet Riot.
I STILL hear that in my head when I see it written!</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You've never, ever eaten okra
-- fried, boiled, or<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>pickled.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>I have had the misfortune to eat okra. My mother made
me eat it when I was a kid. I call it "glue-fruit." I will never eat it again,
just like George H.W. Bush said he wasn't going to eat broccoli since he was
president of the United States and nobody could make him. But you can get okra,
fresh, canned, and frozen, at this local supermarket chain, mostly in black
neighborhoods, where they sell "hard to find southern foods."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
like it as an adult as long as it has been fried in cornbread batter.
Eating boiled okra was like eating snot. Its texture makes it not
fit for human consumption, the same as snot.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You eat fried chicken with a
knife and fork.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Never.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>Pizza? Sure. The crust bends and the toppings tend to
slide off. But fried chicken --why? It's finger-liking
good!</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You've never seen a live
chicken, and the only cows you've<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>seen are on road
trips.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>We also have children's petting zoos. I spent October
working on a pumpkin farm doing tours. They had live chickens, and live guinea
hens. One of the parent-chaperones with a busload of school kids said his
grandmother in Mississippi used guinea hens for watchdogs -- they set up a
racket if anyone comes around at night. Elementary school classes get taken on
tours of dairy farms, where the often sight a cow or two.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
try not to associate animals in the field with food I eat. As hard as I
have tried, I cannot swallow game meat. And I prefer to think of the meat
I eat as unrelated to actual animals. I purposely buy boneless (and
skinless) meats. Never whole fish. Just the filets in the freezer,
far removed from the glass case where you can see their whole
bodies.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You have no idea what a
polecat is.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Sure I do, its anyone from the south who gets elected
to congress.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>This made me laugh out loud. Siarlys, you are
hysterical!</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You don't see anything wrong
with putting a sweater on<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>your dog.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>I see plenty wrong with having a dog at all, in the
house, or in the yard. Any dog steps on my property, I'm going to exercise my
Second Amendment rights.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>The "It's Me Or The Dog" lady made sense when she said that
animals are not to be clothed. They are animals.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You don't have bangs.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>No, I don't, but I'm a man, and due to my mixed
Jewish-Protestant and God knows what else heritage, my hair doesn't hang down
anyway. When I was about ten, a lot of German American male school mates had
bangs. The Beatles were new back then.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>Don't all children have bangs? I never realized that people
from the north didn't want to see out of both eyes. Although it makes a
lot of sense to me now. </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You would rather have your
son become a lawyer than grow<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>up to get his own TV
fishing show.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>I would rather have my own son work for a
living.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>This is what I would have like to have said, but before you said
it.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You've never eaten and don't
know how to make a tomato<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>sandwich.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>True for me. I don't eat fresh tomatoes. They have to
be cooked into ketchup or tomato paste before I eat them. Or the green ones have
to be pickled. One of my favorite sandwiches in BLK.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>Is
a tomato sandwich made with bread, mayonnaise and sliced ripe tomatoes?
One of our (male) roommates made and ate those every single day. I never
saw the draw...</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You think more money should
go to important scientific<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>research at your
university than to pay the salary of the<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>head football
coach.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Well, my father taught chemistry, so I think the money
should pay the salary of the classroom professors. But my second cousin's
husband is basketball coach at Ole Miss. When he told another coach, soon after
he arrived, that he is Catholic, they guy looked at him like he should have
found a job up north somewhere. His wife was born and raised Protestant in
Tennessee, but she's a better Catholic than he is now.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
would like for everyone to work hard for a living and make money doing so.
What you choose is up to you.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You don't even have one can
of WD-40 somewhere around the<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>house.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Got to have WD-40 around the house. Always. This is
Milwaukee, not New York. People around here think a good bar in West Virginia is
just like home.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>Doesn't everyone have WD-40? Or a little can of household
oil? Ours was clipped inside the cabinet of my mom's black Singer
sewing machine while I grew up and a new one is clipped there in my home
now!</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You don't have any hats in
your closet that advertise feed<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>stores.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>I don't wear hats.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
hate ball caps. I hate all hats with sayings. I would like to wear a
hat when I want to be fancy or shaded from the hot hot sun, but I can't find
hats to fit me. My head is literally too large.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You don't know anyone with at
least two first names (i.e.,<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>Joe Bob, Faye Ellen,
Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>Dan, Mary Alice)</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Did I mention that a lot of African Americans live up
north, and most of them came from the south, except my friend Renee's family?
They almost ALL have two first names, sometimes their last name is a third first
name. Even a few Bubba's, as in "I got someone here for Bubba to whup." Johnnie
Mae is real popular.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
admit that there were more people in my college (in Texas) that had two
names than there are in Southern CA or Arizona to this day.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- You don't know any women with
male names (i.e., Tommie,<SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN>Bobbie, Johnnie,
Jimmie)</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Did I mention that... oh, yeah, I just said
that.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
knew plenty of girls with traditionally boy names. But only one boy ever
had a girl name and that was Noel. To me it seemed like a feminine name,
not one for a guy.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080> </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009> </SPAN>- None of your fur coats are
homemade.</DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>Fur coats are for rich people, frat brothers, and dope
kingpins.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>I
can't afford a fur coat. And where would I wear it? I don't go
anywhere or do anything to warrant nice clothes. AND I live in the
stinking DESERT! Where the high today was 86F. But when I was only
10, my rich lady aunt from Texas sent me white rabbit muff, earmuffs, and
mittens for Christmas. I felt like I was a rich lady! I think I
rubbed the fur completely off those things!</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>We
returned last night from an 8 day trip to Fort Hood Texas to visit my brand
new grandson. </FONT></SPAN><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT
face="Century Gothic" color=#000080>On Thursday, it felt like the day President
Reagan was shot and 9/11: glued to the TV and waiting waiting
waiting. We were very close to the action (less than 1/4 mile), but were
never in danger. My son works next door to that building, but praise
the good Lord, he was/is safe in Iraq!</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>Siarlys, keep the conversation running...</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=187254700-10112009><FONT face="Century Gothic"
color=#000080>Jeanene</FONT></SPAN></DIV></BODY></HTML>