View Funnies	Thursday, April 25, 2024

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I thought you might enjoy a few of the news kickers I write for my morning radio show - feel free to use if you'd like. - Darren Marlar

• Scientists have found several 900-year-old knives in a Peruvian dig in South America. ***MARLAR: And they still cut through tin cans! That Ginsu stuff is amazing!
  
  
• It's long been believed that an ingredient in turkey known as tryptophan is responsible for the post-Thanksgiving meal grogginess, but it's not true. Tryptophan can induce sleepiness, but experts say you'd have to eat an amazing amount of turkey for it to have an effect. ***MARLAR: Well, I did go back for fourths.
  
  
• Doctors for Australia's Olympic team are worried that their athletes might contract hepatitis, typhoid, or other diseases while competing in China in 2008. So they are issuing a series of warnings about what to avoid. ***MARLAR: At the top of the list of things to avoid -- China.
  
  
• Older men who have big biceps and a smaller waist circumference will likely live a lot longer than their more portly friends. British researchers have concluded that the size of a man's belly and the bulk of his biceps provide a far more accurate forecast of his mortality than body mass index (BMI) alone. ***MARLAR: Looking at my gut, my challenge now is apparently to find a way to make my biceps three feet wide.
  
  
• Your cell phone may be harming your hearing, says author and researcher Naresh Panda, M.D. She led a study of 100 cell phone users and the results show that four years of heavy cell phone use (about an hour a day) diminished the users' ability to hear high frequencies, making it hard for them to distinguish between certain sounds. ***MARLAR: At least, that's what we think she said. It was kinda hard to hear over the cell phone static.
  
  
• The New York Times' #1 best-selling book is about how to work only four hours a week. ***MARLAR: Guess what's at the top of MY Christmas list!