I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

I will do anything to look like him - except, of course, exercise or eat right.

I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night."

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

How many people have never raised their hand before?

I saw the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden.

Communication has changed so rapidly in the last 20 years, it's almost impossible to predict what might occur even in the next decade. E-mail, which now sends data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light, has replaced primitive forms of communication such as smoke signals, which sent data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light.

Now let's repeat the non-conformists' oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!

- From AZquotes.com

Received from Wayne Onaka.

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