You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.

Unusual weather for New York City. Today it was 68 and foggy. No, wait a minute, that's me. I'm sorry, that's me.

Yesterday was Chinese New Year. It's the Year of the Rabbit. And here's how dumb I am. I'm still writing the Year of the Pig on my checks.

If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all.

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not New Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.

New York City has 2 million rats. We used to have 8 million rats. Now we're down to 2 million. You know what that means? We lose four electoral votes.

- From AZquotes.com

Received from Wayne Onaka.

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