Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Be yourself; everyone else is taken.

With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.

The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.

Nature: a place where birds fly around uncooked.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose.

A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.

Marriage is a long, dull meal with dessert served at the beginning.

The man who says his wife can't take a joke forgets that she took him.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh; otherwise they'll kill you.

If you cannot prove a man wrong, don't panic. You can always call him names.

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he won't expect it back.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Life is too short to learn German.

Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.

- From AZquotes.com

Received from Wayne Onaka.

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