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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

For every student with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, "Are you comfortable?" The man answers, "I make a nice living."

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

- From AZquotes.com

Received from Wayne Onaka.

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