I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?

- From AZquotes.com

Received from Wayne Onaka.

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