I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

My standard comment is, if you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.

If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Homer no function beer well without.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

- From AZquotes.com

Received from Wayne Onaka.

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