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My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her, "I can't believe she's not better."

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.

- From AZquotes.com

Received from Wayne Onaka.

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