[GCFL-discuss] Prodigous!

[Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List]

I *am* a Republican.  I just wanted to know why you thought so.  :-)  Aren't 
all Arizonans Republican?  That's what I overheard last night at dinner out.

I worked this year for my County Elections Board and had a blast!  Other 
than voting (and a small part at playing a Barry Goldwater supporter in high 
school by wearing a little tiny black eyeglasses pin), I have not been 
involved in elections, but this year I decided to do it in grand fashion.  I 
volunteered to be the Inspector and was placed in a precinct very near my 
home.  I was busy a couple of hours on Monday night and then bright and 
early Tuesday morning (5AM!) I arrived and my team and I got hustling and 
had everything ready for voters to arrive at 6am.  There was a total of 8 of 
us:  Inspector Republican me), Marshal (has to be opposite my party), Judge 
of the Opposite Party (also had to be a democrat), Judge of the Same Party 
(self-explanatory), two Special Situation Clerks, one ID Clerk, and a 
floating clerk.  The two Judges, a mother and daughter team (!) were 
studiously keeping track of the number of voters we had per hour and then at 
the end put all of our salaries and the cost of the facility charge (I knew 
all of that as Inspector) together and divided it by the number of voters 
who voted in our precinct and figured that it cost our precinct almost $32 
per vote!  OUCH!  They weren't required to keep track of those statistics, 
they just wanted to do something to pass the time because we were so bored 
waiting for voters.  I was appalled at what it costs to have voting take 
place.  I know from personal experience that the General Election will bring 
people out in droves and thus the cost per vote will decrease dramatically, 
but it was nice to get a little experience under less insane circumstances. 
The day was spent leisurely commanding my portion of the election army. 
Until, of course, the poll closed.  Then things got crazy again!  We spent 
the next hour closing the Accu-Vote machine and the Touch Screen Accu-Vote 
machines, counting Early Ballots turned in on election day instead of 
mailed, and had a grand old time trying to figure out what items went into 
which bags.  It was CRAZY!  But with a fearless leader like myself, we 
actually got it all done correctly!  Except that when I got out of the car 
at the Official Receiving Center, I realized I still had the official keys 
on my arm!  I had forgotten all about them.  Oops.  They accepted them from 
me and didn't make a fuss.  There were so many others there that had mucked 
up their jobs horribly, that I was smelling sweet in comparison.  I was back 
to the precinct by 9:30 pm.  A 16.5 hour workday.  And we weren't allowed to 
leave the polling place for any reason.  I look forward to being Inspector 
for the General Election in November.  A surprise for me was the fact that 
when anything was done that had anything to do with the actual votes 
(assisting a voter in the secrecy booth, printing and removing result tapes 
from the different machines, locking and sealing the actual ballots, and 
transporting the official and un-official items to the receiving station), a 
Republican and a Democrat had to be present for it and agree.  Before now, I 
had never spent the time to think about how ballot boxes could be stuffed, 
but I saw a way to do it this week.  ALL eight of the poll workers would 
have to be in it together and sworn to secrecy.  There's no way that would 
happen here since there were opposite parties involved.  And why (other than 
superior intelligence) would that Democrat agree to vote for a Republican?
I learned a lot about the official process of voting.  And they are paying 
me for it!  I thought it was a volunteer position.  I guess I could turn my 
payment back into reducing the national debt.
Every once in a while, it's a good idea to call out
"Computer, end program," just to check. - D. Noelle


----- Original Message ----- 

> My dear friend and sparring partner Jeanene,
>
> Please forgive me for thinking that you are a Republican. I will never
> insult you like that again. Not unless you yourself tell me that you are
> one.