[GCFL-discuss] Ageing

[gcfl-discuss at gcfl.net]

That's good Frank and so true.

Dave

 If you're under 40, your time is coming
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: gcfl-discuss at gcfl.net 
  To: Shirley Heit 
  Cc: Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List 
  Sent: Sunday, March 21, 2004 8:54 PM
  Subject: [GCFL-discuss] Ageing


  Dave

  I think this is for you and me.  (and any other upper-middle aged folks out there.)  The rest of you might get an idea of what's coming!

  Frank



  SURE SIGNS OF AGING: 
  > 
  > > > 
  > > > 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 
  > > > 
  > > > 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be  released first. 
  > > > 
  > > > 3. No one expects you to run a marathon. 
  > > > 
  > > > 4. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 
  > > > 
  > > > 5. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 
  > > > 
  > > > 6. Things you buy now won't wear out. 
  > > > 
  > > > 7. You can live without sex but not without glasses. 
  > > > 
  > > > 8. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 
  > > > 
  > > > 9. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 
  > > > 
  > > > 10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 
  > > > 
  > > > 11. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay 
  >off. 
  > > > 
  > > > 12. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember 
  > 
  >them either. 
  > > > 
  > > > 13. You can't remember who sent you this list. 
  > > > 
  > > > 
  > > > Chapter 2: GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER 
  > > > 
  > > > 1. Sag, You're it. 
  > > > 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy. 
  > > > 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 
  > > > 4. Kick the bucket. 
  > > > 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 
  > > > 6. Doc, Doc, Goose. 
  > > > 7. Simon says something incoherent. 
  > > > 8. Hide and go pee. 
  > > > 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta. 
  > > > 10. Musical recliners. 
  > > > 
  > > > 
  > > > Chapter 3: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE 
  > > > 
  > > > 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 
  > > > 
  > > > 2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using 
  >             you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just 
  >saying 
  >you are 
  >             not amused, you shoot him. 
  > > > 
  > > > 3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 
  > > > 
  > > > 4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult 
  >             gives you four hours of decent rest. 
  > > > 
  > > > 5. You change your underwear after every sneeze. 
  > > > 
  > > > 6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop 
  >             on a field trip to Chippendale's. 
  > > > 
  > > > Chapter 4: SIGNS OF WEAR 
  > > > 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go up stairs and make 
  >          love,"and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!" 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new 
  >          alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your 
  >          pacemaker opens the garage door. 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your 
  >face. 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, 
  >           just as long as you don't have to go along. 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by 
  > > >  the doctor instead of by the police. 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I 
  > > >  don't need to take any fiber today. 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your 
  > > >  car in the parking lot. 
  > > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee. 
  > > > 
  > > > If you're under 40, this may be amusing. 
  > > > If you're over 40, this is probably reality. 


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