[GCFL-discuss] The Rules of Grammar

[Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List]

Is this from the very good book titled The Transitive Vampire : A Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager and the Doomed?  It sounds like something from there.  It is one of my all-time favorite books.  Karen Elizabeth Gordon has several books on the English language that in a humorous way teach you the rights and wrongs of English grammar.
Jeanene
A child born with Hydranencephaly is one of Life's Little Miracles.
They live, laugh, and love -- all without a brain.
www.hydranencephaly.com 
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List 
  To: Red 
  Sent: Saturday, July 01, 2006 8:00 PM
  Subject: [GCFL-discuss] The Rules of Grammar


  Here's another one for you Siarlys
  Frank
    1.. Verbs has to agree with their subjects 
    2.. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with 
    3.. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction 
    4.. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive 
    5.. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.) 
    6.. Also, always avoid annoying assonance* 
    7.. Be more or less specific 
    8.. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary 
    9.. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies 
    10.. No sentence fragments 
    11.. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used 
    12.. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos 
    13.. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous 
    14.. One should never generalise 
    15.. Comparisons are as bad as clichés 
    16.. Don't use no double negatives forever 
    17.. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc 
    18.. One-word sentences? Eliminate 
    19.. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake 
    20.. The passive voice is to be ignored 
    21.. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas 
    22.. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice 
    23.. Kill all exclamation marks!!!! 
    24.. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them 
    25.. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas 
    26.. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed 
    27.. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 
    28.. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: "Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly." 
    29.. Puns are for children, not groan readers 
    30.. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms 
    31.. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed 
    32.. Who needs rhetorical questions? 
    33.. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

    And finally...
      
    34.. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out 
         


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