[GCFL-discuss] The Rules of Grammar

[Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List]

Jeanene
  I'm not sure.  The person who sent it to me didn't say.  If I can find that book at the library, I will look to see.  Thanks for the info.
  Do you live in Arizona?  I bet it is hot there.  Wish we could get some of the rain they are getting back east.
  Frank

"Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List" <gcfl-discuss at gcfl.net> wrote:
          Is this from the very good book titled The Transitive Vampire : A Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager and the Doomed?  It sounds like something from there.  It is one of my all-time favorite books.  Karen Elizabeth Gordon has several books on the English language that in a humorous way teach you the rights and wrongs of English grammar.
  Jeanene
A child born with Hydranencephaly is one of Life's Little Miracles.
They live, laugh, and love -- all without a brain.
www.hydranencephaly.com 
    ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List 
  To: Red 
  Sent: Saturday, July 01, 2006 8:00 PM
  Subject: [GCFL-discuss] The Rules of Grammar
  

    Here's another one for you Siarlys
  Frank
    
   Verbs has to agree with their subjects   
   Prepositions are not words to end sentences with   
   And don't start a sentence with a conjunction   
   It is wrong to ever split an infinitive   
   Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)   
   Also, always avoid annoying assonance*   
   Be more or less specific   
   Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary   
   Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies   
   No sentence fragments   
   Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used   
   Foreign words and phrases are not apropos   
   Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous   
   One should never generalise   
   Comparisons are as bad as clichés   
   Don't use no double negatives forever   
   Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc   
   One-word sentences? Eliminate   
   Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake   
   The passive voice is to be ignored   
   Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas   
   Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice   
   Kill all exclamation marks!!!!   
   Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them   
   Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas   
   Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed   
   Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."   
   If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: "Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly."   
   Puns are for children, not groan readers   
   Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms   
   Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed   
   Who needs rhetorical questions?   
   Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

And finally...
    
   Proofread carefully to see if you any words out 

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