[GCFL-discuss] The Rules of Grammar

[Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List]

It is very hot.  We are starting our humid season.  Too bad we aren't getting the needed rains with it.  This drought MUST end soon.
Jeanene
A child born with Hydranencephaly is one of Life's Little Miracles.
They live, laugh, and love -- all without a brain.
www.hydranencephaly.com 
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List 
  To: Red 
  Sent: Sunday, July 02, 2006 8:42 PM
  Subject: Re: [GCFL-discuss] The Rules of Grammar


  Jeanene
  I'm not sure.  The person who sent it to me didn't say.  If I can find that book at the library, I will look to see.  Thanks for the info.
  Do you live in Arizona?  I bet it is hot there.  Wish we could get some of the rain they are getting back east.
  Frank

  "Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List" <gcfl-discuss at gcfl.net> wrote:
    Is this from the very good book titled The Transitive Vampire : A Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager and the Doomed?  It sounds like something from there.  It is one of my all-time favorite books.  Karen Elizabeth Gordon has several books on the English language that in a humorous way teach you the rights and wrongs of English grammar.
    Jeanene
    A child born with Hydranencephaly is one of Life's Little Miracles.
    They live, laugh, and love -- all without a brain.
    www.hydranencephaly.com 
      ----- Original Message ----- 
      From: Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List 
      To: Red 
      Sent: Saturday, July 01, 2006 8:00 PM
      Subject: [GCFL-discuss] The Rules of Grammar


      Here's another one for you Siarlys
      Frank
        1.. Verbs has to agree with their subjects 
        2.. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with 
        3.. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction 
        4.. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive 
        5.. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.) 
        6.. Also, always avoid annoying assonance* 
        7.. Be more or less specific 
        8.. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary 
        9.. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies 
        10.. No sentence fragments 
        11.. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used 
        12.. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos 
        13.. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous 
        14.. One should never generalise 
        15.. Comparisons are as bad as clichés 
        16.. Don't use no double negatives forever 
        17.. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc 
        18.. One-word sentences? Eliminate 
        19.. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake 
        20.. The passive voice is to be ignored 
        21.. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas 
        22.. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice 
        23.. Kill all exclamation marks!!!! 
        24.. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them 
        25.. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas 
        26.. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed 
        27.. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 
        28.. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: "Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly." 
        29.. Puns are for children, not groan readers 
        30.. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms 
        31.. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed 
        32.. Who needs rhetorical questions? 
        33.. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

        And finally...
          
        34.. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out 
             

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