[GCFL-discuss] Fwd: FW: History

[Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List]

Lance, you disappoint me young man.

Liberals may be dumb and spineless enough to forward that History 101,
but I'm not.

It was off to a good start, the part about the wheel and beer, then it
got tangled up in politics and lost all its humor.

Jokes lose their punch when the reader has to stop and scratch their head
and ask "what?" That unfortunate point emerged early:

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Liberals like beer and conservatives like wheels? Vice versa? There is a
sad disconnect.

But I tried to find myself in the tangled web of characteristics that
followed.

I don't track and kill animals, but I do like barbecue. On the other
hand, nobody who eats barbecue tracks and kills much of their meat
anymore. A vegetarian told me every meateater should do so. She thought
it would make us all vegetarians. She may be right. A friend of mine's
late grandmother used to say that the first step to making fried chicken
is "all in the wrist."

I can do a little sewing, but not very well. I don't do hair dressing,
except I used to cut my own with a scissors, but nobody called that
dressed. I gave it up around the time I was invited to my friend's
college graduation. She's a woman, low on testosterone, so must not be a
liberal, but wanted me to look good at her graduation.

I hate cats and group therapy, prefer hugs one at a time, and I vote
Democratic because the Republicans aren't smart enough to come up with
anything better.

(Whoever wrote this is an atheist, since any Bible-believing Christian
would know that God created women at the beginning, they didn't evolve
from men later.)

The largest and most powerful animal on earth is the whale, which
liberals seem to have an affinity for, I'm not sure why.

I don't like any kind of beer, imported or domestic, nor French wines
neither, I'm allergic to limes (love fresh squeezed lemonade though),
don't eat no fish raw ever, definitely like my beef and burgers well
done, once tried to fry tofu to a crisp but it all melted away... and I
believe when Bill Clinton talked about ending welfare as we know it, he
should have said end social work as we know it.

My beloved woman makes three times the money I do, but I am learning that
she blows it all without quite knowing where it went, so if we marry,
she'll be counting on my hard-earned savings to cover the essentials.
Maybe she is a liberal after all.

OK, now I'm going to make a political statement: conservatives don't
produce. Conservatives hire real workers to do the real work of
production, then skim off the profits, tell their workers "vote like I
tell you or my taxes will go up," invest in worthless derivatives, and
then ask for billions of dollars from those who did all the work and paid
all the taxes because "we're too big to fail." That's why so many
big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives,
athletes, members of the military, airline pilots are getting laid off,
cut back, and deprived of whatever they were promised they would get if
they worked hard and put their life on the line, etc.

Siarlys
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