[GCFL-discuss] Fw: [GCFL.net] Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite of Rednecks)

Thu Nov 5 11:42:11 CST 2009

Boy, is this one off base. Mostly. Read on.
Siarlys

--------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "The Good, Clean Funnies List" <gcfl-info at gcfl.net>

Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite of Rednecks)

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...

- Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you
call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

This one is true, except among African Americans, who dominate many
northern central cities. The reason immigrants who were considered
"non-white" on arrival think that people with dark skin are wierd is
because they have so many southern habits. Therefore, "y'all" is becoming
increasingly common among bluenecks.

- You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

OUTSIDE??? It's COLD up here. You think we're going to go all winter
without any barbecue??? Besides, if we don't understand about barbecue,
we ask somebody black, and they know the correct down home answer.

- You think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY SPICY.

Well, I do. My friend Renee keeps a special mild sauce for me when she
makes tacos, and I think its screaming five alarm hot. She doesn't eat ox
tail soup though, because she's northern (Illinois and Missouri), unlike
all the other people up here with dark complexions.

- You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking
on the side of the road.

OK, now we talk about New York, where my sister's family lives. Everybody
buys lunch from some guy cooking in a little cart by the side of the
road, unless they can afford those fancy expensive restaurants. Even
Burger King costs too much in New York, because the rents are so high to
even open the place.

- You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire
sauce" correctly.

Around here it's WOR-CHEST-UR-SHUR sauce. How do y'all pronounce it?
Actually, I don't know too many people who use it. We prefer Sweet Baby
Ray's barbecue sauce. Year round.

- You don't know what a moon pie is.

If I did, I don't think I would eat one. Sounds like something on the
front cover of Hustler magazine.

- You've never had an RC Cola.

Yeah, we have RC up here. I don't like it. I prefer Coca-Cola. Isn't that
from Atlanta or something? We have Dr. Pepper too, thanks to the wonders
of inter-state freight. I don't like Dr. Pepper either. My mother
graduated from high school in Tennessee and went to a northern college on
a Dr. Pepper scholarship.

- You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or
pickled.

I have had the misfortune to eat okra. My mother made me eat it when I
was a kid. I call it "glue-fruit." I will never eat it again, just like
George H.W. Bush said he wasn't going to eat broccoli since he was
president of the United States and nobody could make him. But you can get
okra, fresh, canned, and frozen, at this local supermarket chain, mostly
in black neighborhoods, where they sell "hard to find southern foods."

- You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

Never.

- You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've
seen are on road trips.

We also have children's petting zoos. I spent October working on a
pumpkin farm doing tours. They had live chickens, and live guinea hens.
One of the parent-chaperones with a busload of school kids said his
grandmother in Mississippi used guinea hens for watchdogs -- they set up
a racket if anyone comes around at night. Elementary school classes get
taken on tours of dairy farms, where the often sight a cow or two.

- You have no idea what a polecat is.

Sure I do, its anyone from the south who gets elected to congress.

- You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on
your dog.

I see plenty wrong with having a dog at all, in the house, or in the
yard. Any dog steps on my property, I'm going to exercise my Second
Amendment rights.

- You don't have bangs.

No, I don't, but I'm a man, and due to my mixed Jewish-Protestant and God
knows what else heritage, my hair doesn't hang down anyway. When I was
about ten, a lot of German American male school mates had bangs. The
Beatles were new back then.

- You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow
up to get his own TV fishing show.

I would rather have my own son work for a living.

- You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato
sandwich.

True for me. I don't eat fresh tomatoes. They have to be cooked into
ketchup or tomato paste before I eat them. Or the green ones have to be
pickled. One of my favorite sandwiches in BLK.

- You think more money should go to important scientific
research at your university than to pay the salary of the
head football coach.

Well, my father taught chemistry, so I think the money should pay the
salary of the classroom professors. But my second cousin's husband is
basketball coach at Ole Miss. When he told another coach, soon after he
arrived, that he is Catholic, they guy looked at him like he should have
found a job up north somewhere. His wife was born and raised Protestant
in Tennessee, but she's a better Catholic than he is now.

- You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the
house.

Got to have WD-40 around the house. Always. This is Milwaukee, not New
York. People around here think a good bar in West Virginia is just like
home.

- You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed
stores.

I don't wear hats.

- You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e.,
Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe
Dan, Mary Alice)

Did I mention that a lot of African Americans live up north, and most of
them came from the south, except my friend Renee's family? They almost
ALL have two first names, sometimes their last name is a third first
name. Even a few Bubba's, as in "I got someone here for Bubba to whup."
Johnnie Mae is real popular.

- You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie,
Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)

Did I mention that... oh, yeah, I just said that.

- None of your fur coats are homemade.

Fur coats are for rich people, frat brothers, and dope kingpins.

Received from Laugh & Lift.

--
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20091105

Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA

Go to http://www.gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your
subscription options or unsubscribe.

To print or email this funny to others, go to
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20091105

The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at
http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
____________________________________________________________
Weight Loss Program
Best Weight Loss Program - Click Here!
http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2141/c?cp=1pV_K4gCjGykWNe8HzBbCgAAJ1BHq-n90fbwxV_Gpa0vlNrMAAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEUgAAAAA=
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://gcfl.net/pipermail/gcfl-discuss/attachments/20091105/b11e0096/attachment.html>