[GCFL-discuss] Fw: [GCFL.net] Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite ofRednecks)

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Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite of Rednecks)
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...

- Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you
guys," even if both of them are women.
This one is true, except among African Americans, who dominate many northern
central cities. The reason immigrants who were considered "non-white" on
arrival think that people with dark skin are wierd is because they have so
many southern habits. Therefore, "y'all" is becoming increasingly common
among bluenecks.
I grew up with southern parents in southern California and Arizona.  Those
areas don't use different pronunciations or words for things.  I never heard
the word pocketbook until I was nearly twenty and engaged to a guy from
Pennsylvania and that's what he called his mom's purse.  WEIRD!  And
gumband?  What the heck was he talking about?!?  The only Pennsylvanianism
that he has held onto all these years later is his use of the word up.  He
says slow up instead of slow down to mean reduce the speed.  And when he
says OUR it sounds like "are".  It was very confusing for our children when
they were learning to talk/understand language.

 - You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
OUTSIDE??? It's COLD up here. You think we're going to go all winter without
any barbecue??? Besides, if we don't understand about barbecue, we ask
somebody black, and they know the correct down home answer.
My family didn't own a grill, but when we talked about someone cooking on
one, we referred to it as barbequing.  I don't know how to barbeque (make
food using smoky sauces), but we use the grill all the time.  We call it
grilling.  But my parents still call it barbequing.

- You think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY SPICY.
Well, I do. My friend Renee keeps a special mild sauce for me when she makes
tacos, and I think its screaming five alarm hot. She doesn't eat ox tail
soup though, because she's northern (Illinois and Missouri), unlike all the
other people up here with dark complexions.
I am a gringo living in a largely South American/Mexican/Mexican-American
community and dislike all foods containing capsaicin.  I don't like for my
mouth/lips/tongue/esophagus to burn.  But the good nasal burn from
horseradish is fabulous!  Some salsas (sauces in English) smell good, but I
know not to even try if they have any chili peppers in them.  NO MATTER what
the cook claims.  Ketchup?  That stuff is sweet, not hot.  Spanish has a
benefit when it comes to the word 'hot'.  We use the word spicy and hot
interchangeably when we mean full of spices OR spicy hot.  They use picante
for spicy heat, caliente for temperature hot, and something like sabor for
full of flavor.  I wish English had something so useful.

 - You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of
the road.
OK, now we talk about New York, where my sister's family lives. Everybody
buys lunch from some guy cooking in a little cart by the side of the road,
unless they can afford those fancy expensive restaurants. Even Burger King
costs too much in New York, because the rents are so high to even open the
place.
There are jillions of taco stands in the naked city (Tucson area) but I
don't trust the preparer's hygiene or their food handling abilities.  Don't
get me going on this one...  I tried lots of food from many different carts
when I visited Manhattan.

 - You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
Around here it's WOR-CHEST-UR-SHUR sauce. How do y'all pronounce it?
Actually, I don't know too many people who use it. We prefer Sweet Baby
Ray's barbecue sauce. Year round.
For us, it's always been Wor CHEST Er Shire.  Just like it is spelled.  Did
I ever mention I was a spelling bee champ?

 - You don't know what a moon pie is.
If I did, I don't think I would eat one. Sounds like something on the front
cover of Hustler magazine.
Moon pies are yummy.  A sandwich made of marshmallow and soft graham
crackers covered in waxy chocolate.  Mmmm-mmmm good.

 - You've never had an RC Cola.
Yeah, we have RC up here. I don't like it. I prefer Coca-Cola. Isn't that
from Atlanta or something? We have Dr. Pepper too, thanks to the wonders of
inter-state freight. I don't like Dr. Pepper either. My mother graduated
from high school in Tennessee and went to a northern college on a Dr. Pepper
scholarship.
It seems to me that Royal Crown was the first to make diet cola.  It was
called Diet Riet, but my mom (who drank it) pronounced it Diet Riot.  I
STILL hear that in my head when I see it written!

 - You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or  pickled.
I have had the misfortune to eat okra. My mother made me eat it when I was a
kid. I call it "glue-fruit." I will never eat it again, just like George
H.W. Bush said he wasn't going to eat broccoli since he was president of the
United States and nobody could make him. But you can get okra, fresh,
canned, and frozen, at this local supermarket chain, mostly in black
neighborhoods, where they sell "hard to find southern foods."
I like it as an adult as long as it has been fried in cornbread batter.
Eating boiled okra was like eating snot.  Its texture makes it not fit for
human consumption, the same as snot.

 - You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
Never.
Pizza?  Sure.  The crust bends and the toppings tend to slide off.  But
fried chicken --why?  It's finger-liking good!

 - You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on
road trips.
We also have children's petting zoos. I spent October working on a pumpkin
farm doing tours. They had live chickens, and live guinea hens. One of the
parent-chaperones with a busload of school kids said his grandmother in
Mississippi used guinea hens for watchdogs -- they set up a racket if anyone
comes around at night. Elementary school classes get taken on tours of dairy
farms, where the often sight a cow or two.
I try not to associate animals in the field with food I eat.  As hard as I
have tried, I cannot swallow game meat.  And I prefer to think of the meat I
eat as unrelated to actual animals.  I purposely buy boneless (and skinless)
meats.  Never whole fish.  Just the filets in the freezer, far removed from
the glass case where you can see their whole bodies.

 - You have no idea what a polecat is.
Sure I do, its anyone from the south who gets elected to congress.
This made me laugh out loud.  Siarlys, you are hysterical!

 - You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
I see plenty wrong with having a dog at all, in the house, or in the yard.
Any dog steps on my property, I'm going to exercise my Second Amendment
rights.
The "It's Me Or The Dog" lady made sense when she said that animals are not
to be clothed.  They are animals.

 - You don't have bangs.
No, I don't, but I'm a man, and due to my mixed Jewish-Protestant and God
knows what else heritage, my hair doesn't hang down anyway. When I was about
ten, a lot of German American male school mates had bangs. The Beatles were
new back then.
Don't all children have bangs?  I never realized that people from the north
didn't want to see out of both eyes.  Although it makes a lot of sense to me
now.

 - You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his
own TV fishing show.
I would rather have my own son work for a living.
This is what I would have like to have said, but before you said it.

 - You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.
True for me. I don't eat fresh tomatoes. They have to be cooked into ketchup
or tomato paste before I eat them. Or the green ones have to be pickled. One
of my favorite sandwiches in BLK.
Is a tomato sandwich made with bread, mayonnaise and sliced ripe tomatoes?
One of our (male) roommates made and ate those every single day.  I never
saw the draw...

 - You think more money should go to important scientific research at your
university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
Well, my father taught chemistry, so I think the money should pay the salary
of the classroom professors. But my second cousin's husband is basketball
coach at Ole Miss. When he told another coach, soon after he arrived, that
he is Catholic, they guy looked at him like he should have found a job up
north somewhere. His wife was born and raised Protestant in Tennessee, but
she's a better Catholic than he is now.
I would like for everyone to work hard for a living and make money doing so.
What you choose is up to you.

 - You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
Got to have WD-40 around the house. Always. This is Milwaukee, not New York.
People around here think a good bar in West Virginia is just like home.
Doesn't everyone have WD-40?  Or a little can of household oil?  Ours was
clipped inside the cabinet of my mom's black Singer sewing machine while I
grew up and a new one is clipped there in my home now!

 - You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
I don't wear hats.
I hate ball caps.  I hate all hats with sayings.  I would like to wear a hat
when I want to be fancy or shaded from the hot hot sun, but I can't find
hats to fit me.  My head is literally too large.

 - You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye
Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
Did I mention that a lot of African Americans live up north, and most of
them came from the south, except my friend Renee's family? They almost ALL
have two first names, sometimes their last name is a third first name. Even
a few Bubba's, as in "I got someone here for Bubba to whup." Johnnie Mae is
real popular.
I admit that there were more people in my college (in Texas) that had two
names than there are in Southern CA or Arizona to this day.

 - You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie,
Jimmie)
Did I mention that... oh, yeah, I just said that.
I knew plenty of girls with traditionally boy names.  But only one boy ever
had a girl name and that was Noel.  To me it seemed like a feminine name,
not one for a guy.

 - None of your fur coats are homemade.
Fur coats are for rich people, frat brothers, and dope kingpins.
I can't afford a fur coat.  And where would I wear it?  I don't go anywhere
or do anything to warrant nice clothes.  AND I live in the stinking DESERT!
Where the high today was 86F.  But when I was only 10, my rich lady aunt
from Texas sent me white rabbit muff, earmuffs, and mittens for Christmas.
I felt like I was a rich lady!  I think I rubbed the fur completely off
those things!

We returned last night from an 8 day trip to Fort Hood Texas to visit my
brand new grandson.  On Thursday, it felt like the day President Reagan was
shot and 9/11:  glued to the TV and waiting waiting waiting.  We were very
close to the action (less than 1/4 mile), but were never in danger.  My son
works next door to that building, but praise the good Lord, he was/is safe
in Iraq!

Siarlys, keep the conversation running...
Jeanene
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