[GCFL-discuss] Fw: [GCFL.net] Bluenecks: Northerners (OppositeofRednecks)

[Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List]

Jeanene
When I saw your email, I did not realize it was a response to Siarlys'
email; i thought he sent it again, but i was too polite to say so.
 
Ok. with tongue firmly in cheek, I'm ready to respond.
 
greenBubble
 
As a born and bred Northener, having always lived in NYC (except 2.5
years studying abroad) i didn't find the joke funny, just as most
"rednecks" probably don't see the humor in Redneck jokes.
 
A pocketbook is that gigantic holdall that women carry over their
shoulder.  A purse, carried inside the pocketbook, is a smaller pouch
where they keep money, credit cards, etc., that they actually need to be
able to find quickly.  Anything loose in the pocketbook is lost until
she spills all its contents onto the table and puts them back one by
one.  (like the card game "52-pickup")
 
Of course we don't barbecue during the winter; barbecuing is a summer
tradition so the house doesn't get hotter than it is.  As a verb,
barbecue is spelled as it's pronounced.  As a noun or adjective, it is
spelled "BBQ". 
 
Personally, i can't stand ketchup, but ketchup has saved many a
marriage.  Recognizing that I don't like ketchup, G-d, in His wisdom,
sent me a wife who knows how to cook.
 
I would buy produce from the vendor on the street, and wash it well, but
prepared foods, generally not.  Very few of those stands are reliably
Kosher.
 
I never realized that Diet Rite Cola was made by RC.  But Diet Rite had
sacharine, not nutra-sweet.  Sacharine was recalled (then made a
comeback) because it allegedly caused cancer; arguably a protection
agains altzheimers.  i vaguely remember that the scuttlebut at the time
was that sugar industry used its influence to get it off the market.
 
i was taught that at home, or in a formal setting, you eat chicken with
knife & fork.  If you have a can or small bottle of soda, you pour it
into a cup.  If you're on a picnic, you eat chicken with your fingers
and drink from the can.
 
Most people i know have two first names.  but men have men's names and
women have women's names.
 
Good, I was able to get my tongue out.
 
greenBubble

________________________________

From: gcfl-discuss-bounces_milton.freund=siemens.com at gcfl.net
[mailto:gcfl-discuss-bounces_milton.freund=siemens.com at gcfl.net] On
Behalf Of Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List
Sent: Monday, November 09, 2009 8:45 PM
To: Freund, Milton (H USA)
Subject: Re: [GCFL-discuss] Fw: [GCFL.net] Bluenecks: Northerners
(OppositeofRednecks)


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From: "The Good, Clean Funnies List" <gcfl-info at gcfl.net>

Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite of Rednecks)
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...
 
- Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them
"you guys," even if both of them are women.
This one is true, except among African Americans, who dominate many
northern central cities. The reason immigrants who were considered
"non-white" on arrival think that people with dark skin are wierd is
because they have so many southern habits. Therefore, "y'all" is
becoming increasingly common among bluenecks.
I grew up with southern parents in southern California and Arizona.
Those areas don't use different pronunciations or words for things.  I
never heard the word pocketbook until I was nearly twenty and engaged to
a guy from Pennsylvania and that's what he called his mom's purse.
WEIRD!  And gumband?  What the heck was he talking about?!?  The only
Pennsylvanianism that he has held onto all these years later is his use
of the word up.  He says slow up instead of slow down to mean reduce the
speed.  And when he says OUR it sounds like "are".  It was very
confusing for our children when they were learning to talk/understand
language.
 
 - You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
OUTSIDE??? It's COLD up here. You think we're going to go all winter
without any barbecue??? Besides, if we don't understand about barbecue,
we ask somebody black, and they know the correct down home answer.
My family didn't own a grill, but when we talked about someone cooking
on one, we referred to it as barbequing.  I don't know how to barbeque
(make food using smoky sauces), but we use the grill all the time.  We
call it grilling.  But my parents still call it barbequing.
 
- You think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY SPICY.
Well, I do. My friend Renee keeps a special mild sauce for me when she
makes tacos, and I think its screaming five alarm hot. She doesn't eat
ox tail soup though, because she's northern (Illinois and Missouri),
unlike all the other people up here with dark complexions.
I am a gringo living in a largely South
American/Mexican/Mexican-American community and dislike all foods
containing capsaicin.  I don't like for my mouth/lips/tongue/esophagus
to burn.  But the good nasal burn from horseradish is fabulous!  Some
salsas (sauces in English) smell good, but I know not to even try if
they have any chili peppers in them.  NO MATTER what the cook claims.
Ketchup?  That stuff is sweet, not hot.  Spanish has a benefit when it
comes to the word 'hot'.  We use the word spicy and hot interchangeably
when we mean full of spices OR spicy hot.  They use picante for spicy
heat, caliente for temperature hot, and something like sabor for full of
flavor.  I wish English had something so useful.
 
 - You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the
side of the road.
OK, now we talk about New York, where my sister's family lives.
Everybody buys lunch from some guy cooking in a little cart by the side
of the road, unless they can afford those fancy expensive restaurants.
Even Burger King costs too much in New York, because the rents are so
high to even open the place.
There are jillions of taco stands in the naked city (Tucson area) but I
don't trust the preparer's hygiene or their food handling abilities.
Don't get me going on this one...  I tried lots of food from many
different carts when I visited Manhattan.
 
 - You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
correctly.
Around here it's WOR-CHEST-UR-SHUR sauce. How do y'all pronounce it?
Actually, I don't know too many people who use it. We prefer Sweet Baby
Ray's barbecue sauce. Year round.
For us, it's always been Wor CHEST Er Shire.  Just like it is spelled.
Did I ever mention I was a spelling bee champ?
 
 - You don't know what a moon pie is.
If I did, I don't think I would eat one. Sounds like something on the
front cover of Hustler magazine.
Moon pies are yummy.  A sandwich made of marshmallow and soft graham
crackers covered in waxy chocolate.  Mmmm-mmmm good.
 
 - You've never had an RC Cola.
Yeah, we have RC up here. I don't like it. I prefer Coca-Cola. Isn't
that from Atlanta or something? We have Dr. Pepper too, thanks to the
wonders of inter-state freight. I don't like Dr. Pepper either. My
mother graduated from high school in Tennessee and went to a northern
college on a Dr. Pepper scholarship.
It seems to me that Royal Crown was the first to make diet cola.  It was
called Diet Riet, but my mom (who drank it) pronounced it Diet Riot.  I
STILL hear that in my head when I see it written!
 
 - You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or  pickled.
I have had the misfortune to eat okra. My mother made me eat it when I
was a kid. I call it "glue-fruit." I will never eat it again, just like
George H.W. Bush said he wasn't going to eat broccoli since he was
president of the United States and nobody could make him. But you can
get okra, fresh, canned, and frozen, at this local supermarket chain,
mostly in black neighborhoods, where they sell "hard to find southern
foods."
I like it as an adult as long as it has been fried in cornbread batter.
Eating boiled okra was like eating snot.  Its texture makes it not fit
for human consumption, the same as snot.
 
 - You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
Never.
Pizza?  Sure.  The crust bends and the toppings tend to slide off.  But
fried chicken --why?  It's finger-liking good!
 
 - You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are
on road trips.
We also have children's petting zoos. I spent October working on a
pumpkin farm doing tours. They had live chickens, and live guinea hens.
One of the parent-chaperones with a busload of school kids said his
grandmother in Mississippi used guinea hens for watchdogs -- they set up
a racket if anyone comes around at night. Elementary school classes get
taken on tours of dairy farms, where the often sight a cow or two.
I try not to associate animals in the field with food I eat.  As hard as
I have tried, I cannot swallow game meat.  And I prefer to think of the
meat I eat as unrelated to actual animals.  I purposely buy boneless
(and skinless) meats.  Never whole fish.  Just the filets in the
freezer, far removed from the glass case where you can see their whole
bodies.
 
 - You have no idea what a polecat is.
Sure I do, its anyone from the south who gets elected to congress.
This made me laugh out loud.  Siarlys, you are hysterical!
 
 - You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
I see plenty wrong with having a dog at all, in the house, or in the
yard. Any dog steps on my property, I'm going to exercise my Second
Amendment rights.
The "It's Me Or The Dog" lady made sense when she said that animals are
not to be clothed.  They are animals.
 
 - You don't have bangs.
No, I don't, but I'm a man, and due to my mixed Jewish-Protestant and
God knows what else heritage, my hair doesn't hang down anyway. When I
was about ten, a lot of German American male school mates had bangs. The
Beatles were new back then.
Don't all children have bangs?  I never realized that people from the
north didn't want to see out of both eyes.  Although it makes a lot of
sense to me now. 
 
 - You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get
his own TV fishing show.
I would rather have my own son work for a living.
This is what I would have like to have said, but before you said it.
 
 - You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.
True for me. I don't eat fresh tomatoes. They have to be cooked into
ketchup or tomato paste before I eat them. Or the green ones have to be
pickled. One of my favorite sandwiches in BLK.
Is a tomato sandwich made with bread, mayonnaise and sliced ripe
tomatoes?  One of our (male) roommates made and ate those every single
day.  I never saw the draw...
 
 - You think more money should go to important scientific research at
your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
Well, my father taught chemistry, so I think the money should pay the
salary of the classroom professors. But my second cousin's husband is
basketball coach at Ole Miss. When he told another coach, soon after he
arrived, that he is Catholic, they guy looked at him like he should have
found a job up north somewhere. His wife was born and raised Protestant
in Tennessee, but she's a better Catholic than he is now.
I would like for everyone to work hard for a living and make money doing
so.  What you choose is up to you.
 
 - You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
Got to have WD-40 around the house. Always. This is Milwaukee, not New
York. People around here think a good bar in West Virginia is just like
home.
Doesn't everyone have WD-40?  Or a little can of household oil?  Ours
was clipped inside the cabinet of my mom's black Singer sewing machine
while I grew up and a new one is clipped there in my home now!
 
 - You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
I don't wear hats.
I hate ball caps.  I hate all hats with sayings.  I would like to wear a
hat when I want to be fancy or shaded from the hot hot sun, but I can't
find hats to fit me.  My head is literally too large.
 
 - You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob,
Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
Did I mention that a lot of African Americans live up north, and most of
them came from the south, except my friend Renee's family? They almost
ALL have two first names, sometimes their last name is a third first
name. Even a few Bubba's, as in "I got someone here for Bubba to whup."
Johnnie Mae is real popular.
I admit that there were more people in my college (in Texas) that had
two names than there are in Southern CA or Arizona to this day.
 
 - You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie,
Johnnie, Jimmie)
Did I mention that... oh, yeah, I just said that.
I knew plenty of girls with traditionally boy names.  But only one boy
ever had a girl name and that was Noel.  To me it seemed like a feminine
name, not one for a guy.
 
 - None of your fur coats are homemade.
Fur coats are for rich people, frat brothers, and dope kingpins.
I can't afford a fur coat.  And where would I wear it?  I don't go
anywhere or do anything to warrant nice clothes.  AND I live in the
stinking DESERT!  Where the high today was 86F.  But when I was only 10,
my rich lady aunt from Texas sent me white rabbit muff, earmuffs, and
mittens for Christmas.  I felt like I was a rich lady!  I think I rubbed
the fur completely off those things!
 
We returned last night from an 8 day trip to Fort Hood Texas to visit my
brand new grandson.  On Thursday, it felt like the day President Reagan
was shot and 9/11:  glued to the TV and waiting waiting waiting.  We
were very close to the action (less than 1/4 mile), but were never in
danger.  My son works next door to that building, but praise the good
Lord, he was/is safe in Iraq!
 
Siarlys, keep the conversation running...
Jeanene

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