[GCFL-discuss] Fw: [GCFL.net] Bluenecks: Northerners (OppositeofRednecks)

[Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List]

Cool cool, thank you for the input Green.

~Lance

On Tue, Nov 10, 2009 at 9:25 PM, Discussion of the Good, Clean Funnies List
<gcfl-discuss at gcfl.net> wrote:

>  Jeanene
> When I saw your email, I did not realize it was a response to Siarlys'
> email; i thought he sent it again, but i was too polite to say so.
>
> Ok. with tongue firmly in cheek, I'm ready to respond.
>
> greenBubble
>
> As a born and bred Northener, having always lived in NYC (except 2.5 years
> studying abroad) i didn't find the joke funny, just as most "rednecks"
> probably don't see the humor in Redneck jokes.
>
> A pocketbook is that gigantic holdall that women carry over their
> shoulder.  A purse, carried inside the pocketbook, is a smaller pouch where
> they keep money, credit cards, etc., that they actually need to be able to
> find quickly.  Anything loose in the pocketbook is lost until she spills all
> its contents onto the table and puts them back one by one.  (like the card
> game "52-pickup")
>
> Of course we don't barbecue during the winter; barbecuing is a
> summer tradition so the house doesn't get hotter than it is.  As a verb,
> barbecue is spelled as it's pronounced.  As a noun or adjective, it is
> spelled "BBQ".
>
> Personally, i can't stand ketchup, but ketchup has saved many a marriage.
> Recognizing that I don't like ketchup, G-d, in His wisdom, sent me a wife
> who knows how to cook.
>
> I would buy produce from the vendor on the street, and wash it well, but
> prepared foods, generally not.  Very few of those stands are reliably
> Kosher.
>
> I never realized that Diet Rite Cola was made by RC.  But Diet Rite had
> sacharine, not nutra-sweet.  Sacharine was recalled (then made a comeback)
> because it allegedly caused cancer; arguably a protection agains
> altzheimers.  i vaguely remember that the scuttlebut at the time was that
> sugar industry used its influence to get it off the market.
>
> i was taught that at home, or in a formal setting, you eat chicken with
> knife & fork.  If you have a can or small bottle of soda, you pour it into a
> cup.  If you're on a picnic, you eat chicken with your fingers and drink
> from the can.
>
> Most people i know have two first names.  but men have men's names and
> women have women's names.
>
> Good, I was able to get my tongue out.
>
> greenBubble
>
>  ------------------------------
> *From:* gcfl-discuss-bounces_milton.freund=siemens.com at gcfl.net [mailto:
> gcfl-discuss-bounces_milton.freund=siemens.com at gcfl.net] *On Behalf Of *Discussion
> of the Good, Clean Funnies List
> *Sent:* Monday, November 09, 2009 8:45 PM
> *To:* Freund, Milton (H USA)
> *Subject:* Re: [GCFL-discuss] Fw: [GCFL.net] Bluenecks: Northerners
> (OppositeofRednecks)
>
>  --------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: "The Good, Clean Funnies List" <gcfl-info at gcfl.net>
> Bluenecks: Northerners (Opposite of Rednecks)
> YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...
>
> - Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them
> "you guys," even if both of them are women.
> This one is true, except among African Americans, who dominate many
> northern central cities. The reason immigrants who were considered
> "non-white" on arrival think that people with dark skin are wierd is because
> they have so many southern habits. Therefore, "y'all" is becoming
> increasingly common among bluenecks.
> I grew up with southern parents in southern California and Arizona.  Those
> areas don't use different pronunciations or words for things.  I never heard
> the word pocketbook until I was nearly twenty and engaged to a guy from
> Pennsylvania and that's what he called his mom's purse.  WEIRD!  And
> gumband?  What the heck was he talking about?!?  The only Pennsylvanianism
> that he has held onto all these years later is his use of the word up.  He
> says slow up instead of slow down to mean reduce the speed.  And when he
> says OUR it sounds like "are".  It was very confusing for our children when
> they were learning to talk/understand language.
>
>  - You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
> OUTSIDE??? It's COLD up here. You think we're going to go all winter
> without any barbecue??? Besides, if we don't understand about barbecue, we
> ask somebody black, and they know the correct down home answer.
> My family didn't own a grill, but when we talked about someone cooking on
> one, we referred to it as barbequing.  I don't know how to barbeque (make
> food using smoky sauces), but we use the grill all the time.  We call it
> grilling.  But my parents still call it barbequing.
>
> - You think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY SPICY.
> Well, I do. My friend Renee keeps a special mild sauce for me when she
> makes tacos, and I think its screaming five alarm hot. She doesn't eat ox
> tail soup though, because she's northern (Illinois and Missouri), unlike all
> the other people up here with dark complexions.
> I am a gringo living in a largely South
> American/Mexican/Mexican-American community and dislike all foods containing
> capsaicin.  I don't like for my mouth/lips/tongue/esophagus to burn.  But
> the good nasal burn from horseradish is fabulous!  Some salsas (sauces in
> English) smell good, but I know not to even try if they have any chili
> peppers in them.  NO MATTER what the cook claims.  Ketchup?  That stuff is
> sweet, not hot.  Spanish has a benefit when it comes to the word 'hot'.  We
> use the word spicy and hot interchangeably when we mean full of spices OR
> spicy hot.  They use picante for spicy heat, caliente for temperature hot,
> and something like sabor for full of flavor.  I wish English had something
> so useful.
>
>  - You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side
> of the road.
> OK, now we talk about New York, where my sister's family lives. Everybody
> buys lunch from some guy cooking in a little cart by the side of the road,
> unless they can afford those fancy expensive restaurants. Even Burger King
> costs too much in New York, because the rents are so high to even open the
> place.
> There are jillions of taco stands in the naked city (Tucson area) but I
> don't trust the preparer's hygiene or their food handling abilities.  Don't
> get me going on this one...  I tried lots of food from many different carts
> when I visited Manhattan.
>
>  - You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
> correctly.
> Around here it's WOR-CHEST-UR-SHUR sauce. How do y'all pronounce it?
> Actually, I don't know too many people who use it. We prefer Sweet Baby
> Ray's barbecue sauce. Year round.
> For us, it's always been Wor CHEST Er Shire.  Just like it is spelled.  Did
> I ever mention I was a spelling bee champ?
>
>  - You don't know what a moon pie is.
> If I did, I don't think I would eat one. Sounds like something on the front
> cover of Hustler magazine.
> Moon pies are yummy.  A sandwich made of marshmallow and soft graham
> crackers covered in waxy chocolate.  Mmmm-mmmm good.
>
>  - You've never had an RC Cola.
> Yeah, we have RC up here. I don't like it. I prefer Coca-Cola. Isn't that
> from Atlanta or something? We have Dr. Pepper too, thanks to the wonders of
> inter-state freight. I don't like Dr. Pepper either. My mother graduated
> from high school in Tennessee and went to a northern college on a Dr. Pepper
> scholarship.
> It seems to me that Royal Crown was the first to make diet cola.  It was
> called Diet Riet, but my mom (who drank it) pronounced it Diet Riot.  I
> STILL hear that in my head when I see it written!
>
>  - You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or  pickled.
> I have had the misfortune to eat okra. My mother made me eat it when I was
> a kid. I call it "glue-fruit." I will never eat it again, just like George
> H.W. Bush said he wasn't going to eat broccoli since he was president of the
> United States and nobody could make him. But you can get okra, fresh,
> canned, and frozen, at this local supermarket chain, mostly in black
> neighborhoods, where they sell "hard to find southern foods."
> I like it as an adult as long as it has been fried in cornbread batter.
> Eating boiled okra was like eating snot.  Its texture makes it not fit for
> human consumption, the same as snot.
>
>  - You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
> Never.
> Pizza?  Sure.  The crust bends and the toppings tend to slide off.  But
> fried chicken --why?  It's finger-liking good!
>
>  - You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on
> road trips.
> We also have children's petting zoos. I spent October working on a pumpkin
> farm doing tours. They had live chickens, and live guinea hens. One of the
> parent-chaperones with a busload of school kids said his grandmother in
> Mississippi used guinea hens for watchdogs -- they set up a racket if anyone
> comes around at night. Elementary school classes get taken on tours of dairy
> farms, where the often sight a cow or two.
> I try not to associate animals in the field with food I eat.  As hard as I
> have tried, I cannot swallow game meat.  And I prefer to think of the meat I
> eat as unrelated to actual animals.  I purposely buy boneless (and skinless)
> meats.  Never whole fish.  Just the filets in the freezer, far removed from
> the glass case where you can see their whole bodies.
>
>  - You have no idea what a polecat is.
> Sure I do, its anyone from the south who gets elected to congress.
> This made me laugh out loud.  Siarlys, you are hysterical!
>
>  - You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
> I see plenty wrong with having a dog at all, in the house, or in the yard.
> Any dog steps on my property, I'm going to exercise my Second Amendment
> rights.
> The "It's Me Or The Dog" lady made sense when she said that animals are not
> to be clothed.  They are animals.
>
>  - You don't have bangs.
> No, I don't, but I'm a man, and due to my mixed Jewish-Protestant and God
> knows what else heritage, my hair doesn't hang down anyway. When I was about
> ten, a lot of German American male school mates had bangs. The Beatles were
> new back then.
> Don't all children have bangs?  I never realized that people from the north
> didn't want to see out of both eyes.  Although it makes a lot of sense to me
> now.
>
>  - You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his
> own TV fishing show.
> I would rather have my own son work for a living.
> This is what I would have like to have said, but before you said it.
>
>  - You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.
> True for me. I don't eat fresh tomatoes. They have to be cooked into
> ketchup or tomato paste before I eat them. Or the green ones have to be
> pickled. One of my favorite sandwiches in BLK.
> Is a tomato sandwich made with bread, mayonnaise and sliced ripe tomatoes?
> One of our (male) roommates made and ate those every single day.  I never
> saw the draw...
>
>  - You think more money should go to important scientific research at your
> university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
> Well, my father taught chemistry, so I think the money should pay the
> salary of the classroom professors. But my second cousin's husband is
> basketball coach at Ole Miss. When he told another coach, soon after he
> arrived, that he is Catholic, they guy looked at him like he should have
> found a job up north somewhere. His wife was born and raised Protestant in
> Tennessee, but she's a better Catholic than he is now.
> I would like for everyone to work hard for a living and make money doing
> so.  What you choose is up to you.
>
>  - You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
> Got to have WD-40 around the house. Always. This is Milwaukee, not New
> York. People around here think a good bar in West Virginia is just like
> home.
> Doesn't everyone have WD-40?  Or a little can of household oil?  Ours was
> clipped inside the cabinet of my mom's black Singer sewing machine while I
> grew up and a new one is clipped there in my home now!
>
>  - You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
> I don't wear hats.
> I hate ball caps.  I hate all hats with sayings.  I would like to wear a
> hat when I want to be fancy or shaded from the hot hot sun, but I can't find
> hats to fit me.  My head is literally too large.
>
>  - You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob,
> Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
> Did I mention that a lot of African Americans live up north, and most of
> them came from the south, except my friend Renee's family? They almost ALL
> have two first names, sometimes their last name is a third first name. Even
> a few Bubba's, as in "I got someone here for Bubba to whup." Johnnie Mae is
> real popular.
> I admit that there were more people in my college (in Texas) that had two
> names than there are in Southern CA or Arizona to this day.
>
>  - You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie,
> Johnnie, Jimmie)
> Did I mention that... oh, yeah, I just said that.
> I knew plenty of girls with traditionally boy names.  But only one boy ever
> had a girl name and that was Noel.  To me it seemed like a feminine name,
> not one for a guy.
>
>  - None of your fur coats are homemade.
> Fur coats are for rich people, frat brothers, and dope kingpins.
> I can't afford a fur coat.  And where would I wear it?  I don't go anywhere
> or do anything to warrant nice clothes.  AND I live in the stinking DESERT!
> Where the high today was 86F.  But when I was only 10, my rich lady aunt
> from Texas sent me white rabbit muff, earmuffs, and mittens for Christmas.
> I felt like I was a rich lady!  I think I rubbed the fur completely off
> those things!
>
> We returned last night from an 8 day trip to Fort Hood Texas to visit my
> brand new grandson.  On Thursday, it felt like the day President Reagan
> was shot and 9/11:  glued to the TV and waiting waiting waiting.  We were
> very close to the action (less than 1/4 mile), but were never in danger.  My
> son works next door to that building, but praise the good Lord, he was/is
> safe in Iraq!
>
> Siarlys, keep the conversation running...
> Jeanene
>
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