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Sunday, July 27, 2025 |
Lessons My Mom Taught Me  
Date: Sent Friday, May 9, 2003
Category: None | Rating: 4.23/5 (106 votes)
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/* Sorry we've missed so many days in the last few months. Things are still kinda rough at the home front with the passing of my mother-in-law (she
was actually a great one desipte the jokes you hear). And with Mother's Day this weekend, it will be tough.
Still, we wish all the Mother's a great Mother's Day! */
My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me LOGIC #2 -
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -
"Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING -
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP -
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOUR -
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
"You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My Mother taught me about JUSTICE -
"One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Received from the Internet Humor Archives.
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