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Ruminations Date: Sent Friday, November 20, 1998 Category: None

Rating: 3.27/5 (107 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of emerald cities, I find it hard to believe there is no paperwork involved when your house lands on a witch. --Dave James

Let face facts, shall we? There is a very real possibility that this could also be the *last* day of the rest of your life. --Dave Henry

Sometimes I think astronauts are the luckiest people on earth, but only when they're in space. --Alan Smithee

I think it says a lot about our nation's skewed priorities that we give the President the unbridled authority to preempt any television program, even during prime-time. --Matt Diamond

If at first, you don't succeed, does it depress you that no one is surprised? --Jim Lockwood

I'm glad the electric chair is the only method of capital punishment that involves powered furniture. Just imagine being executed by an adjustable bed. --Paul Paternoster

Whenever someone asks me what two plus two equals, I just shake my head and laugh at them for asking such a dumb question, even though I really don't know the answer. What gullible fools. --Will Gillespie

I think gods don't smite people anymore because people of many different religions now live in the same town. No god wants to accidentally smite the wrong person and get sued by another god. --David James

Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light, I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes and concentrate on using The Force. Sometimes I have to concentrate longer than others, but I know it works, 'cause the light always turns green. --Troy Peterson

If I had a dollar for every casino in the world, I'd probably lose it all gambling. --Paul Bartunek

I've heard people say the electric chair is "cruel and unusual", but I think it's a lot quicker and more humane than its predecessor, the steam chair. --Claire Voltaire, inspired by Paul Paternoster

One day, I'm gonna finally get up enough courage to actually go skydiving, rather than just being thrown out of the plane like last time. --LeMel Hebert-Williams

I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach. --Bill Muse

They say potato chips can be fattening. But then again, so is eating fat, and you don't see me eating fat. So get off my back about the potato chips, man. --Brian Auten

Received from Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird (McHaw) List.