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View Funnies Sunday, October 25, 2020

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Actual Medical Records
Date: Sent Friday, August 18, 2006
Category: None
Rating: 3.71/5 (355 votes)
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The following are actual medical records taken from patients' charts around North America:

* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

* Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

* She is numb from her toes down.

* While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

* Patient was alert and unresponsive.

* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

* Male patient insists that his HIV was inherited, and not from sexual activity.

Received from Classic Laff-a-Day.

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