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Saturday, November 23, 2024 |
Maxine's Maxims   
Date: Sent Friday, January 12, 2007
Category: None | Rating: 3.73/5 (805 votes)
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Time to lie on the beach. Yeah, I never tell the truth anywhere.
When repairmen say they'll "Come sometime next week," I usually say, "Fine, I'll pay you sometime next year."
I'm a pretty patient person. Just as long as I'm not kept waiting for anything.
I use my cookbook often -- to throw at people who suggest I cook.
Remember the "Twilight Zone" episode where a man went all day without saying anything stupid? That'll never happen in real life.
It's National Chili Week! Which makes next week National Stay Indoors Week.
I learned something important about burning leaves. Wait until they fall off the trees.
With each passing week, the days are getting a little bit shorter. Kind of like me.
Here's a spooky Halloween mystery: How do they fit so many calories into those mini candy bars?
Sadie Hawkins Day is when women hit on men. If noogies count, I hit on 'em every day.
I'm thinking of renewing my vow ... to never get married again.
Breaking up is hard to do. Unless you're mad and there's a vase nearby.
The best thing about late November is watching people who make homemade Christmas gifts start to really panic.
I could be a member of the "Polar Bear Club." Yeah, I stand in freezing cold water whenever someone flushes the toilet while I'm in the shower.
I enjoy battling mall crowds for the hot new Christmas toys. Oh, I don't buy the toy -- I just like battling.
Ever notice how the guy with the light-up Christmas tie always leaves the party alone?
I found a surprise or two under the tree -- the dog hates going outside in the snow.
I've got Christmas fever. That's what I get for skipping my flu shot.
My personal goal for this year is to get in the way of other people's goals.
I wish those long-distance phone companies would offer a special low rate on those calls to relatives that rattle on and on about nothing.
Now that the holidays are over, there are a lot of bargains out there -- in the form of slightly used gifts I've returned.
I cut my heating costs by 30 percent. Just let my legs go numb below the knee.
January is designated as National Diet Month -- mainly because December is National Eat-Like-a-Pig Month.
I'm getting cabin fever. Mainly from drinking syrup straight from the bottle.
Thought about taking up snowboarding, but then I figured, why not just ram myself into a tree and save that long trip to the mountains.
It's National Hot Tea Month! Throw a tea drinker into a harbor to celebrate.
The handy thing about credit cards is that they're a great way to pay off your credit cards.
Got the all-animal channel and the all-history channel, but I'm still waiting for the all-whining channel.
Received from Keith Sullivan.
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