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A little innocent Microsoft bashing... Date: Sent Thursday, January 28, 1999 Category: None

Rating: 4.20/5 (126 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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WHERE AM I?

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. T he sign said "WHERE AM I ?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determine the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

-=+=-

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

6. Close your eyes and press escape three times.

7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

9. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

10. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

11. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

12. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

13. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

14. CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)

15. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

16. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

17. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

18. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

19. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

20. User Error: Replace user.

21. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

22. Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...

23. If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?

24. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

Received from Cathy Gilstrap.