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View Funnies Thursday, February 21, 2019

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UNASSIGNED: This funny is in the 'unassigned' queue which means it has been picked to be mailed out to the mailing list, but has not been assigned a date yet. It may or may not have been checked by the editors, so don't be surprised if you find a grammar error or two. Of course, it could be removed or shuffled to another queue at any time. Your votes help us decide if a funny should be mailed out (or not). Please give your opinion by voting.

The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition
Date: No date scheduled
Category: None
Rating: 1.94/5 (87 votes)
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012345

I just heard there's going to be an extra scene included in the DVD release of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK coming up next year!

Basically, it expands on the scene where Vader reveals his fatherhood to Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with the release of Episode 1...




THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: EXTRA-SPECIAL EDITION


Interior shot: Bespin Gantry - moments later:

(A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.)

(A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft.)

(Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.)

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up...

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon...

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!

(Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.)

Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...

(Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.)

(Darth Vader looks after him.)

Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


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