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Funny Messages to Send via Twitter Date: Sent Friday, April 29, 2011 Category: None

Rating: 3.75/5 (187 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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- The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

- I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.

- Crime doesn't pay; does that mean my job is a crime?

- Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

- I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

- What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.

- I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

- Never forget that you're unique, just like everyone else.

- I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative.

- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

- If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

- Born free. Taxed to death.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.