|
|
![]() | ![]() |
 |
|
View Funnies |
Sunday, April 20, 2025 |
Mid-life blues   
Date: Sent Monday, November 27, 2000
Category: None | Rating: 2.87/5 (101 votes)
Click a button to cast your vote
|
|
Mid-life (for women) is....
Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans...we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.
You know you've crossed the mid-life threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce
department.
Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like Splat!)
Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves...and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" in mid-life... jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.
Mid-life is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally.(more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of
Wisconsin).
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube to and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will
too!"
Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have
stretch marks?"
Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go. The only thing you still retain is water.
You become more reflective in mid-life. You start pondering the "big" questions-- what is life, why am I here...how much Healthy Choice ice cream can
I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
|
