Sunday, September 23, 2018|
|Modern Medicine |
Date: Sent Friday, May 11, 2018
|Rating: 1.26/5 (61 votes)
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Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier...
St. Mom's Wort -- Plant extract that treats Mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen -- Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you
couldn't wait til they moved out.
Flipitor -- Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics -- When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines and reducing money spent on
Menicillin -- Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person..."
Buyagra -- Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all -- Caution, when combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home
with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
Jack Asspirin -- Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident -- A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Ragaman -- When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing
Received from FranCMT2.