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View Funnies Thursday, November 21, 2019

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Halloween Q&A
Date: Sent Monday, October 28, 2019
Category: None
Rating: 2.30/5 (44 votes)
Click a button to cast your vote
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These are from Stan Kegel's Puns of the Day

Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
(Clynch Varnadore)

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite.

Whom did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

Why do witches think they're funny?
Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.

What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
He had to give it back.

How can you send mail to skeletons?
Bony Express
(Stan Kegel)

Why did Dracula break up with his sweetie?
She wasn't his blood type.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
(Gary Hallock)

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.

How did the ghost repair his sheet?
With a pumpkin patch.
(Clynch Varnadore)

Why aren't there any famous skeletons?
They're a bunch of no bodies.

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich.

Why did the doctor tell the zombie to get some rest?
He was dead on his feet.

When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
(Gary Hallock)

What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffin Drops

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you're a mouse.

What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the Laundromat?
A washin' werewolf.

How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels.

Whom did the zombie invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle.
(Norman Gilbert)

Why did the vampire joined the police force?
So he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout.
(Gary Hallock)

Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed.

How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.

What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings?
Lazy bones

What do boney people use to get into their homes?
Skeleton keys

What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish?
It came back with a skeleton crew.

Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
Women can see right through them.

Why didn't the Invisible Man get invited to the Halloween party?
They knew he wouldn't show up.
(Gary Hallock)

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
(Clynch Varnadore)

How do mummies hide?
They wear masking tape.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
(Lederer & Entner)

How can you tell that Doctor Frankenstein had a good sense of humor?
He kept his monster in stitches.
(Gary Hallock)

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer
(Clynch Varnadore)

Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
(Clynch Varnadore)

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
(Gary Hallock)

If the devil lost his tail, where could he find a new one?
At a store where they retail spirits.
(Stan Kegel)

Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get a head in life.

What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
"You're under a vest!"

What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling

What happened to the monster children who ate all their vegetables?
They gruesome.

What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his home?
A grave problem.

Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away.
(Gary Hallock)

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer

What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates

What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand witch

Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
He wants to use them later for cold cuts.

How do ghosts begin letters?
"Tomb it may concern."

What is the best place for a haunted house?
On a dead end street.

What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
"You are driving me batty."

What does Dracula get when he doesn't brush his teeth
Bat breath

What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
Wrap!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
(Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)

After the flash on his camera malfunctioned, what did Satan get back
from the drugstore?
Prints of darkness
(Gary Hallock)

What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
"I'd like to get to gnaw you."

Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building

What can you say about the likeableness of a ghoul?
Zombie nice, Zombie not so nice.
(Gary Hallock)

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream
(Clynch Varnadore)

What kind of car do the German scientists who clone sheep drive?
Vee Double Ewe
(Gary Hallock)

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a-goblin.
(Clynch Varnadore)

What's the best place for a mirror?
In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.

Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line.

How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch.

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray
(Clynch Varnadore)

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.

What's frightening and stuck on the end of your arm?
A terror wrist.

Who is the witches favorite singer?
Robert Ghoulet
(Stan Kegel)

Received from FranCMT2.


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