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View Funnies Thursday, October 1, 2020

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Have You Heard About These Cats?
Date: Sent Wednesday, April 15, 2020
Category: None
Rating: 2.20/5 (56 votes)
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Have you heard about . . .

- the angry cat? She threw a hissy fit.

- the grumpy cat? He was a sour puss.

- the silent cat? She was the victim of a purr snatcher.

- the psychic cat? He was adopted from the E.S.P.C.A.

- the sensitive cat? She cried over spilt milk.

- the dyslexic cat? He cried, "Woem, weom!"

- the cat who had eight kittens? She was an octopus.

- the cowardly felines? Their names were Scaredy and Fraidy.

- the cat who swallowed a duck? He was a down-in-the-mouth, duck-filled fatty puss.

- the cat who had a hair ball? She couldn't hack it.

- the cat who was a comedian? His name was Groucho Manx.

- the old cat who became forgetful and stopped making any sounds? She developed a purr-senility disorder.

- the golf-playing cat? Even without a catty he consistently scored fur under purr.

- the adolescent cat? She pleaded with her parents, "Why don't you let me lead one of my own lives?"

- the cat who liked to lounge around the stereo? He hoped to catch the tweeter for lunch, unless the woofer got him first.

- the cat who got hurt? She whimpered, "Me ow!"

- the cat who was walking the beach on Christmas Eve? He had Sandy Claws.

- the cat who ate some cheese and then sat by a mouse hole? She waited with baited breath.

- the radioactive cat? He had eighteen half-lives.

- the cat who chased a mouse through the screen door? They both strained themselves.

- the cat who robbed McDonald's and Wendy's? She was a cat burgerlar.

- the cat named Ben Hur? It used to be called Ben, until it had kittens.

- the cat who caught a bird? He enjoyed a breakfast of shredded tweet.

- the fast cat? She put quicksand in her litter box.

- the cat who tried to find out why his humans forgot to place cat litter in his box? He didn't have anything to go on.

- the teeny-tiny cat? She drank only condensed milk.

- the cat who loved to bowl? He was an alley cat.

- the cat who married a tree? They had a catalog.

- the cat who climbed the drapes? She had good claws to do it - and she started from scratch.

- the cat with chutzpah? He was a pushy cat.

- the cat who swallowed a bag of coins? There was money in that kitty.

- the obese, ill-tempered, talkative cat? He was a flabby, crabby, gabby tabby.

- the mother cat looking for her straying kittens? Like a poet, she listened for their mews.

- the feline who impeded the iceman's work? The cat got his tong.

- the baby cat who joined the Red Cross? She wanted to be a first-aid kit.

- the two cats who raced each other to the milk bowl? One beat the other by a lap.

- the kindle of cats named Johann Christian, Wilhelm Friedemann, Johann Sebastian, and Carl Philipp Emanuel? They were all born in a litter Bachs.

- the man who was afraid of cats? He had catatonia, clawstrophobia, and purranoia.

- the woman who refused to spay and neuter her cats? She was arrested for kitty littering.

- the man who saw a sign at a pet store that said "Free Cats"? So he went in and did.

- the unemployed cat burglar from Nepal? What else can a Katmandu? (By Richard Lederer)

From "A Treasury for CAT LOVERS" by Richard Lederer (C) 2009 Howard Books

Received from Richard Lederer via Stan Kegel.

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