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View Funnies Sunday, September 24, 2023

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Date: Sent Friday, August 13, 2021
Category: None
Rating: 4.19/5 (85 votes)
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- Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

- Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

- If you're bad at haggling, you'll end up paying the price.

- Just so everyone's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.

- A generous army general walked into a bar and ordered everyone around.

- I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

- How much did Long John Silver pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

- Ron once worked at a Chicago pizza shop to get by. He kneaded the dough.

- Fran and her friends named their band ‘Duvet'. It's a cover band.

- Dave lost his wife's audiobook, and now he'll never hear the end of it.

- Why is ‘dark' spelled with a k and not c? Because you can't see in the dark.

- Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? I guess, time will tell.

- When Bill told his contractor he didn't want carpeted steps, they gave him a blank stare.

- Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again."

- Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence.

- Doctors got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk, and the results were staggering.

- I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

- I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won't lie, it was a rocky road.

- What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar? There, their, they're.

- Greg went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, "Aisle B, back."

- What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.

- After going to California, Carolyn started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness. (Don't whine about grape puns.)

Received from Jim Daniel.

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