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How [Not] To Phone in a Pizza Order Date: Sent Monday, February 23, 2004 Category: None

Rating: 3.66/5 (155 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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1. If using a touch tone phone push random numbers while talking and ask the person to stop that.

2. Use CB lingo.

3. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

4. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

5. Instead of naming the toppings, spell them out.

6. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, and PUCE.

7. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

8. If they repeat your order to make sure they have it right, say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99, please pull to the next window."

9. Try to rent a pizza.

10. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

11. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther away as you speak. When the call ends, jerk it back and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

12. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

13. Ask to see a menu.

14. Report a petty theft.

15. If they suggest something, adamantly declare, "I will not be swayed by your sweet words."

17. Start your conversation with, "My call to Pizza Hut, Take one... and.... ACTION!"

18. Act nervous and press 9-1-1 every five seconds throughout the order.

19. After ordering, say, "I wonder what this button does" and simulate a cut-off.

20. Start your conversation by reciting the day's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

21. Say, "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt" rather loudly and ask them if they felt that.

22. Teach the order taker a secret code and use it on all subsequent orders.

23. When the price is quoted, say, "Ooooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

24. If they suggest a side order ask, "Why are you punishing me?"

25. Have a movie with a car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell, "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

26. Dance around the word "pizza" and avoid it at all costs. If they say it, say, "Please don't mention that word!"

Received from Magelet.