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Friday, September 20, 2024 |
Signs that the Starship Enterprise is Nearing the End of Its Warranty   
Date: Sent Monday, September 4, 2006
Category: None | Rating: 2.31/5 (235 votes)
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- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88."
- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.
- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w."
- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.
- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
Received from Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh.
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