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Assorted Jokes Date: Sent Monday, April 5, 1999 Category: None

Rating: 3.40/5 (135 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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Once upon a time, a woman had a wonderful, faithful cat. One day, a man ran over the cat accidentally with his car. So, the man went to the old woman and said, "I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him."

"That so nice of you!" said the old woman, deeply touched.

"So how good are you at catching mice?"

-=+=-

Interesting Tax Facts

The Gettysburg address is 269 words, the Declaration of Independence is 1,337 words, and the Holy Bible is only 773,000 [I don't know what version the author was referring to] words. However, the tax law has grown from 11,400 words in 1913, to 7 million words today.

There are at least 480 different tax forms, each with many pages of instructions.

Even the easiest form, the 1040E has 33 pages in instructions, and all in fine print.

The IRS sends out 8 billion pages of forms and instructions each year. Laid end to end, they would stretch 28 times around the earth.

Nearly 300,000 trees are cut down yearly to produce the paper for all the IRS forms and instructions.

American taxpayers spend $200 billion and 5.4 billion hours working to comply with federal taxes each year, more than it takes to produce every car, truck, and van in the United States.

The IRS employs 114,000 people; that's twice as many as the CIA and five times more than the FBI.

60% of taxpayers must hire a professional to get through their own return.

Taxes eat up 38.2% of the average family's income; that's more than for food, clothing and shelter combined.

-=+=-

The Blonde and the TV

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," he told the sales person. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," she replied.

He hurried home and dyed his hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," she replied.

"Darn, she recognized me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the sales person. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," she replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," she replied.

Received from Elizabeth Reeves.