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How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity Date: Sent Friday, April 16, 1999 Category: None

Rating: 3.52/5 (115 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.

Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Insist that your e-mail address be: zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

Put decaf in the coffee-maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.

Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.

Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

Don't use any punctuation.

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what sex they are.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Stomp on plastic ketchup packets.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Honk and wave at strangers.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they did not send it to you and say "I have asked you not to send me stuff like this."

Received from Meg Grady.