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View Funnies Sunday, July 5, 2020

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We're all in this together--but please keep your distance!
Date: Sent Thursday, May 28, 2020
Category: None
Rating: 3.85/5 (75 votes)
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012345

I hope they give us two weeks notice before sending us back out into the real world. I think we'll all need the time to become ourselves again. And by "ourselves" I mean lose 10 pounds, cut our hair and get used to not drinking at 9:00 a.m.

New monthly budget: Gas $0, Entertainment $0, Clothes $0, Groceries $2,799.

Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to stop COVID-19, but to stop eating.

Low maintenance chicks are having their moment right now. We don't have nails to fill and paint, roots to dye, eyelashes to re-mink, and are thrilled not to have to get dressed every day. I have been training for this moment my entire life!

When this quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.

I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: "Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on scale."

Not to brag, but I haven't been late to anything in over 6 weeks.

It may take a village to raise a child but I swear its going to take a vineyard to home school one.

I wanted zombies and anarchy. Instead we got working from home and toilet paper shortages. Worst-Apocalypse-Ever!

You know those car commercials where there's only one vehicle on the road - doesn't seem so unrealistic these days.

They can open things up next month, I'm staying in until July to see what happens to y'all first.

People keep asking: "Is Coronavirus REALLY all that serious?" Listen y'all, the churches and casinos are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing it's probably pretty serious.

Home school Day 1: I'm trying to figure out how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.

Okay, the schools are closed. So, do we drop the kids off at the teacher's house or what?

The dumbest thing I've ever bought was a 2020 planner.

And, finally - I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8:00 for seniors only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."

Enjoy your day. You don't have anything else to do.

Received from Becky Day.


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