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View Funnies Monday, July 22, 2024

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Jack Benny Quotes
Date: Sent Thursday, May 30, 2024
Category: None
Rating: 3.88/5 (33 votes)
Click a button to cast your vote
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No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.

Modesty is my best quality.

It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

Received from Wayne Onaka.


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