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Friday, September 20, 2024 |
Phyllis Diller Quotes   
Date: Sent Thursday, August 8, 2024
Category: None | Rating: 3.74/5 (34 votes)
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works
best.
I never made "Who's Who," but I'm featured in "What's That?"
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
The doctor looked my body over. I said, "Is there any hope?" He said, "Yes. Reincarnation."
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
If they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now
seems insane.
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
- From AZquotes.com
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